Girl on cell: My life totally sucks right now. I went to an intellectual conference and people were saying smart things and I was asking myself, ‘Why can?t I say things like that?!’ And I?ve forgotten all essay-writing skills I learned in high school! Ugh, I am, like, totally ESL right now. Like, what am I doing with my life?! I’m not getting into law school, I’m not going to get a position at the UN… Ugh! I might as well get married to a rich Arabian prince!