Moth­er to child: You need to get up off the floor.
Kid: No!
(small dog ap­proach­es, starts lick­ing kid’s face)
(kid laughs as moth­er be­comes even an­gri­er, then dog be­gins hump­ing kid)
Kid: Get him off me, get him off me!
Moth­er, calm­ly: See? This is what hap­pens when you lie on the floor. This is why we can’t lay down on the floor.

Port­land, Maine