Guy, af­ter burn­ing left hand: But this is my spe­cial hand…
Friend: Why can’t you just use your right hand for a while?
Guy: It’s like be­ing jerked off by a stranger.
Friend: What?
Guy: Imag­ine a stranger comes up to you and starts talk­ing to you, and sud­den­ly just starts jerk­ing you off. (pause) Yeah. That’s how it feels like.

Bay­onne, New Jer­sey