Jock: Dude, I went to our pro­fes­sor’s of­fice yes­ter­day, and you know what? She has a gi­ant bot­tle of lube just sit­ting there on her desk!
(pause)
Friend: You jack­ass! That’s hand san­i­tiz­er on her desk, not lube!

Uni­ver­si­ty of Col­orado

Over­heard by: I keep the lube in the draw­er