To Fight Convention?

Tall goth girl to rotund, geeky friend: She’s a fat black goth! Kinda like if you, me, and Bill Cosby joined forces.

Denver, Colorado

Go a Few Miles South and That’s Punishable by Death

Child: Who’s Elvis?
Mother, not paying attention: I don’t know.
Concerned old lady nearby, to mother: You don’t know who Elvis is, honey?

Cincinnati, Ohio

…Would You Like to Go Out With Us This Friday?

Freshman boy trying to flirt with girl: I'm from Boston and he's from Boston and he's Chinese and he likes Bruce Lee, naked, naked, naked. (pokes Chinese friend)

University Library
Binghamton, New York

Overheard by: Brianna

Your Editors Fear This Conversation May Reduce Ms. Bilson to Tears

College girl #1: So did I tell you I’m going on a celibacy kick this semester? To cleanse myself.
College girl #2: Oh, really?
College girl #1, picking up GQ magazine with Rachel Bilson on the cover: Ugh, I’ve lost all respect for her. She’s such a slut.

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Lindsay

That Guy Is Always Purple Raining on Our Parade.

Museum employee: I'm from Minnesota, originally.
Guy: I lived in Minnesota for a while, a long time back. Nice place, but there was way too much of that one guy. You know, that guy? The little guy? With “purple …”?
Museum employee: …Prince?
Guy: Yeah, that's the one.

Art Museum
Denver, Colorado

Exactly Who Hollywood Would Cast

Woman #1: I've always wanted to go to London.
Woman #2: I've never really wanted to fly overseas, but one place I would like to go is Venice.
Woman #1: Venice? Really?
Woman #2: Yeah. But I'd like to have a nice Italian man to go with me, like Antonio Banderas.

Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania

…Just Eat More Popcorn and You'll Be Fine

Guy #1: Dude, I wonder how Orville Redenbacher is still in all those commercials when he's been dead for, like, a bazillion years?
Guy #2: Maybe he's a zombie.
Guy #1: Or a robot.
Guy #3: Or a zombie robot.
Guy #1: Seriously, dude. I think you've been reading too much sci-fi.

Bellingham, Washington

Her Weight Gain Cowed the Electorate Into Submission

Mom to five-year-old: I don't like Oprah Winfrey, because it's her fault Obama is President.

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: David Leech

That's Not Quite a Haiku, Eric.

Guy: My favorite thing about Halle Berry is her vagina.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Shlange

And You Often Get Out Of Limos with No Underwear on

Guy #1: I think you'd make a great Paris Hilton.
Guy #2: I do have a very womanly figure.
Guy #1: And you're a whore.