It’ll Pop Up Again in the Spring

Guy #1: Are you gonna get test­ed?
Guy #2: I think the Lau­ren thing pret­ty much takes care of it.
Guy #3: You should still get test­ed.
Guy #2: Yeeeah, but I don’t like get­ting blood tak­en from me and I don’t have any like, symp­toms, so…
Guy #3: Well, I haven’t seen your pe­nis.

Si­mon Fras­er Uni­ver­si­ty
British Co­lum­bia
Cana­dia

Are You Try­ing to Jump­start the Cat Again?

Young woman on cell: Did you just say “The ca­bles must be sub­ju­gat­ed”? Uh huh… Okay… Yeah, I don’t think you’re okay to dri­ve ei­ther.

Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: Nic

Would­n’t Want Him to Get Burnt to a Crisp by Sun­light

Pret­ty goth chick: Do you think if I call him up and ask him to come over and watch porn and fuck, he’ll come?
Queer friend: Prob­a­bly, but on­ly if you call af­ter 10. It’s six — wait un­til dark.
Pret­ty goth chick: Yeah, you’re right.

http://overheardinlosangeles.blogspot.com/2007/05/and-try-not-to-terrorize-blind-woman.html

You Said That about My Leg, and It’s Still Bro­ken

Dude #1: I have a re­al­ly bad headache.
Dude #2: You know what cures that? Sodomy!

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2007/02/i‑think-ill-suffer-migrane-thanks.html

…Since I Ac­cept­ed Homer Simp­son As My Per­son­al Sav­ior

Teenage girl #1: He hates me.
Teenage girl #2: He does­n’t hate you. Maybe you should just say “hi” to him.
Teenage girl #1: How am I sup­posed to say “hi”? I have voic­es in my head say­ing “I want cheese­burg­ers”!

Can­ber­ra
Aus­tralia

It Says Here the Mule Con­sent­ed?

Cop: You know there’s a war­rant out for your ar­rest, right?
Guy with arm in cast: Oh, re­al­ly?
Cop: Yeah… So we should prob­a­bly have a chat about that.

Town Court
Du­anes­burg, New York

Over­heard by: 91 in a 65

Weren’t We Fenc­ing?

30-some­thing male drunk: You’re not my moth­er!
20-some­thing fe­male drunk: I’m not your moth­er. I’m just telling you that it’s not okay to grunt and lunge at peo­ple.

Paci­fi­ca, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Slight­ly

I’ve Prac­ticed on My Life­sized “Sev­en of Nine” Doll

Nerdy teen #1: So you just sort of put your hands down her pants and rub up be­hind her.
Nerdy teen #2 (nod­ding): Yeah. I know what you mean.

Van­cou­ver
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: ilove­hol­i­days

“Par­ties” In­volve Group Sex

Yup­pie blonde: So I told him, I was like, ‘Don’t call it a par­ty, you know? Just say you’re get­ting drunk!‘
Yup­pie brunette: Ex­act­ly.

24 Hour Fit­ness
Den­ver, Col­orado

All Those Slip-and-Fall Ac­ci­dents Are Smit­ings

Re­li­gion teacher to class of girls: And re­mem­ber girls, al­ways wear a biki­ni in the show­er, be­cause god is al­ways watch­ing you.

Dublin
Ire­land