Bimbette #1: We need to find men to buy us drinks tonight — I only have, like, 10 bucks.
Bimbette #2: Why don’t you make out with Mom again? That worked last time.
Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category
Geography One: Self-Awareness Zero
Professor: The best time to study geography is in the morning after you’ve done the “walk of shame.” It will help you to keep your mind off of what you’ve done.” (cracks up) That’s good shit.
Geography Classroom
Michigan State
Since Apparently Assholism No Longer Qualifies
Guy to another: I don’t know what to tell you… If she won’t break up with you because you invited her to have a threesome, then tell her that you have some disability… (mumbles) …like, what’s that form of autism called? “Asperger syndrome”?
Bar
Austin, Texas
He’s Talking about Date Rape
Ghetto girl: Yo, I can’t wait to get back to my dorm and just take a nap.
Ghetto guy: Heh… Well, you know, just don’t let that nap turn into, you know, some sleep… Y’know what I mean?
Ghetto girl: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Do You Think I Would Fail His Class?
Asian hipster: People stare at him, and he resents them for staring at him. But I’m like, ‘Maybe you should bathe!‘
Jewish hipster: You should give him an elephant tranquilizer or something.
http://overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com/2007/05/people-in-valley-like-elephants-what-is.html
Overheard by: Glowien
My Hand Never Asks Where Our Relationship Is Going
Guy: Sometimes I feel like I want to get a steady girlfriend again.
Friend: Whenever I feel like that I just jerk off all over myself and the feeling goes away.
Downtown Post Office
Worcester, Massachusetts
This Is Why I Divorced Your Father
Mother to child: You need to get up off the floor.
Kid: No!
(small dog approaches, starts licking kid’s face)
(kid laughs as mother becomes even angrier, then dog begins humping kid)
Kid: Get him off me, get him off me!
Mother, calmly: See? This is what happens when you lie on the floor. This is why we can’t lay down on the floor.
Portland, Maine
We Miss the Old Grey Poupon Ad Campaign
Girl: You so should have tested it first.
Guy: I did! I used it on my ass the other day.
Girl: And it didn’t burn?
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/425989704/want-to-see-it.html
Overheard by: evan.
It’ll Pop Up Again in the Spring
Guy #1: Are you gonna get tested?
Guy #2: I think the Lauren thing pretty much takes care of it.
Guy #3: You should still get tested.
Guy #2: Yeeeah, but I don’t like getting blood taken from me and I don’t have any like, symptoms, so…
Guy #3: Well, I haven’t seen your penis.
Simon Fraser University
British Columbia
Canadia
Are You Trying to Jumpstart the Cat Again?
Young woman on cell: Did you just say “The cables must be subjugated”? Uh huh… Okay… Yeah, I don’t think you’re okay to drive either.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nic
