Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category

Chances Are Good We'll Get to Denver or Somewhere Near It

Stressed flight attendant, after four-hour delay: Folks, we've just been cleared for immediate departure. (passengers cheer) All passengers must be seated, with your seat belts fastened for takeoff. To do so, insert the metal–well, if you can't figure it out for yourself, you're in trouble. If at any point an oxygen mask appears in front of you, you'll want to put that on. In the event of a water landing occurring between St. Louis and Denver, there will be a flotation device under your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emergency exits–front, over-wing and rear–wherever it says so. Don't even think about smoking. See the safety information card for the rest. Here we go.

Runway
St. Louis Airport, Missouri

Why Yeast Infections Exist: A Short Story.

Girl #1: Do you think I could wash my clothes with fabric softener? I don't have any detergent.
Girl #2: That should probably work.
(30 minutes later)
Girl #2: So, did it work?
Girl #1: Yeah… I think… they don't smell anymore, at least. Good enough, right?

Laundry Room, University of Alabama
Birmingham, Alabama

Overheard by: I don't think it is

I Had a Roommate Who Bleached the Bathroom Three Times a Week. True Story

Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: “What the fuck are you doing? You’re gonna pull all your hair out!” … Haha yeah… She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions… She probably watches me sleep.

UB Bus
Buffalo, New York