But If You’d Like to Come See Me about Fel­la­tio, I’m Wide Open

Stu­dent, dis­cussing pa­per top­ics: I’d kind of like to do pros­ti­tu­tion… Is that too easy?
Pro­fes­sor: Why not? Pros­ti­tu­tion is fun! Every­body likes do­ing pros­ti­tu­tion.

Ari­zona State Uni­ver­si­ty
Tempe, Ari­zona

Over­heard by: Aun­tie Maim

What a Great Piece of Ash

(at the wood­carv­ing tent)
Pre­ten­tious old la­dy to oth­ers: Mike does amaz­ing things with his wood. (pause) I just *love* his wood.

Art & Wine Fes­ti­val
Cave Creeek, Ari­zona

Over­heard by: J‑Kap

The Kid Used to Yell “Boink Me, Dad­dy!”

Four-year-old boy: Dad­dy! I wan­na get ham­mered!
(mom pulls out a toy rub­ber ham­mer, sigh­ing)
Dad, to every­one around: Shh­h­hh, no­body heard that! If you did, lit­tle for­get­ful­ness fairies will fly in­to your mind!

Air­port
Phoenix, Ari­zona

I Draw the Line at Brand­ing, Though

Ston­er chick on cell: Yeah, he’s just gonna want to get high and do stuff to my ass.

Wendy’s
Scotts­dale, Ari­zona

Over­heard by: Jon

SVU: Tuc­son Failed to Catch on with View­ers

Crazy man to woman walk­ing to her car: Sir! Sir! There is ev­i­dence here that there has been sex­u­al ac­tiv­i­ty in this area!
Woman: (si­lence)
Crazy man (un­der breath): Lazy pig.

Park­ing Garage
Tuc­son, Ari­zona

That Was the Ex­tra Cred­it on Your Math Test?

Hy­per girl: Hey, I’m just re­al­ly hap­py that I could iden­ti­fy Joe Pesci’s fore­head!

Tempe, Ari­zona

Over­heard by: Mevans

War­ren Beat­ty Should Stop Hav­ing Work Done

Tall, skin­ny kid: He’s…like…suspiciously Asian.
Tall skin­ny friend: That’s what I thought too!

Ar­by’s
Tempe, Ari­zona

We’re on to You, Kathy Grif­fin

Ex­ceed­ing­ly pale col­lege guy: You can’t trust red­heads. They don’t blink their eyes at the same time.
Ex­ceed­ing­ly pale high school guy: (nods in un­der­stand­ing)

Ar­by’s
Tempe, Ari­zona

Just for Cof­fee, Not for Ab­duc­tion

Girl eat­ing piz­za to friends: Like, do I want to meet aliens? Yes!

Piz­za Place
Tempe, Ari­zona

Over­heard by: Fe­lic­i­ty

Pink Is Pret­ty Gay, Though — Why Chance It?

Frat boy #1: What is pink eye, any­way?
Frat boy #2: I dun­no.
Frat boy #1: Well, I don’t see how it can be that con­ta­gious.

Palm Walk, Ari­zona State Uni­ver­si­ty
Ari­zona

Over­heard by: oh, trust me…