And When Did “Baby Got Back” Become a Wedding Song?

Black 20-something guy to friend: Sir Mix-a-Lot killed more black people in the 90s than heart disease and Aids combined.

Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: I know his pain

If Scientologists Say It, It Must Be True

Hobo woman: So if you stand with one foot on Venus, and one on Mars, it is possible to move earth with a hockey stick.

Eriberto’s
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: Drew

But You Shouldn’t Talk That Way about Mom

Dad: When I came in it smelled really great, but it actually tasted really disgusting.
Daughter: Same with poop.

Arizona

Warren Beatty Should Stop Having Work Done

Tall, skinny kid: He’s…like…suspiciously Asian.
Tall skinny friend: That’s what I thought too!

Arby’s
Tempe, Arizona

Jesus: The One Guy Whose Shit Didn’t Stink

High chick spotting dirty hippie: Oooh! He’s cute!
Drunk chick: No, he’s dirty!
High chick: He looks like Jesus!
Sober chick: He might look like Jesus, but he smells like shit!

Arizona

Overheard by: Designated Driver

Keeps Trying to Stage a Comeback, Though

Hobo #1: No matter how you look at it, a swastika is still a swastika.
Hobo #2: (nods in agreement)

Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Adam

All Of Hef’s Kids Have Asked This at Least Once

Little boy: Mommy, can we go back to the giant trampoline where you said you saw sexy daddy?

Sedona, Arizona

Overheard by: J

We’re Lucky the Wildfires Keep Us Safe

Girl #1: There are these bees in Asia, and they like shoot venom at you and it like eats your skin or something.
Girl #2: Wow, that’s crazy, man! Remind me never to go to Africa.

High School
Scottsdale, Arizona

So “Oreo Cook” Isn’t a Racial Slur?

Girl: I’ll have the chocolate peanut butter car crunch.
Cashier teenage boy: Ummmm… Yeah, the “car” actually stands for “caramel”.

Gelato Spot
Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: Fake Blonde

But If You’d Like to Come See Me about Fellatio, I’m Wide Open

Student, discussing paper topics: I’d kind of like to do prostitution… Is that too easy?
Professor: Why not? Prostitution is fun! Everybody likes doing prostitution.

Arizona State University
Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: Auntie Maim