I’ve Prac­ticed on My Life­sized “Sev­en of Nine” Doll

Nerdy teen #1: So you just sort of put your hands down her pants and rub up be­hind her.
Nerdy teen #2 (nod­ding): Yeah. I know what you mean.

Van­cou­ver
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: ilove­hol­i­days

…Or Me Hav­ing to Give It.

20-some­thing woman prepar­ing turkey to guy: I’m not sure what’s worse, pulling all this out of the turkey’s ass, or you tak­ing it in the ass last night.

Or­lan­do, Flori­da

Over­heard by: At least some one had a hap­py thanks­giv­ing

He’s Been Known to Plea­sure Sev­er­al Girls en Bro­chette

Girl #1: His pe­nis was huge, like 12 inch­es! He was hold­ing it and his hand looked so tiny!
Girl #2: No won­der he does­n’t get any play, that shit hurts!
Girl #3: Yeah, it would like come out my ass!

Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: Just 2

Best. Peer Ad­vi­sor. Ever.

Cu­ri­ous friend: Does­n’t your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That’s what my hands are for!
Cu­ri­ous friend: Don’t your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That’s what my mouth is for!
Cu­ri­ous friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that’s when he puts it in my butt.

Hobo­ken, New Jer­sey

Skid or Stretch?

Soros­ti­tute yelling at friend: I can see the marks on your butt from over here!

http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2007/04/april-is-cruelest-month.html

Over­heard by: yix

Then There Was the Guy We Stabbed and Stuck in the Dump­ster…

Hun­gover girl #1: I re­al­ly feel like an ass.
Hun­gover girl #2: Why do you feel like an ass?
Hun­gover girl #1: Well I did throw a drink on some­one.
Hun­gover girl #2, nod­ding: And got kicked out of the bar twice.

Wilm­ing­ton, North Car­oli­na

Is Swamp Ass the Next Evo­lu­tion­ary Step? Dis­cuss.

Teenage boy: Are you say­ing your ass­hole gets sweaty when I’m around?
Teenage girl: Ex­act­ly.

North­gate
Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Not­So­Su­per­Mario

Jen­na Jame­son: “Sto­ry of My Life, Hon­ey”

20-some­thing girl: My ass hurts and my throat is sore. I al­so feel very un­der­whelmed.

San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

That’s Why I Mar­ried Her, Sweet­ie

Dad, lead­ing three-year-old girl to bath­room: You need to go pot­ty? You can sit on the pot­ty in here.
Three-year-old girl: No, that pot­ty’s not for me. That’s for mom­my. She has a big butt.

Alame­da, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: lith

Gay Men Can’t Drink Cof­fee? That’s Crazy.

Crazy home­less la­dy to well-dressed busi­ness­man: Look at you with the cof­fee, you fag­got, you just love dick in your ass!

Star­bucks
San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: try­ing to avoid her wrath