Archive for the ‘Australia’ Category

Re­quiem for a Dream? Re­al­ly?

Pas­sen­ger to at­ten­dant: Ex­cuse me? They turned the movie off.
At­ten­dant: Yes, we’re land­ing ear­li­er than thought.
Pas­sen­ger: Oh, but the movie was­n’t over.
At­ten­dant: Sor­ry about that, but we need to turn it off for de­scent.
Pas­sen­ger: But I was watch­ing it!
At­ten­dant: I am very sor­ry, but since we have start­ed our de­scent…
Pas­sen­ger, in­ter­rupt­ing: But now I don’t know how it ends!
At­ten­dant: They all lived hap­pi­ly ever af­ter.

Qan­tas Flight to Mel­bourne

Over­heard by: Seat 14 F

We Thought On­ly Amer­i­cans Knew This Lit­tle About Sex Ed.

[Line for ladies’ room]Girl #1: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It’s ur­gent.
Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tam­pon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it of­ten. Not too of­ten, be­cause once I changed it too much and got chlamy­dia.
Girl #2: Oh…[Suppresses laugh.]

West­ern Aus­tralia

And My Kid­neys Start Back Up

Princess #1: Oh my god, I have that top in, like, three col­ors.
Princess #2: Yeah, me, too.
Princess #1: You wan­na get some lunch or some­thing?
Princess #2: I can’t. When I eat I get bloat­ed.

Broad­way Shop­ping Cen­tre

Over­heard by: Ms Dash

Dear World– We Apol­o­gize.

Amer­i­can tourist #1: What’s your back­ground?
Tourist guide: Abo­rig­i­nal.
Amer­i­can tourist #1: No, as in “where were you born?“
Tourist guide: Here, in Aus­tralia.
Amer­i­can tourist #1: But you’re black!
Tourist guide: Yes… I’m abo­rig­i­nal.
Amer­i­can tourist #1: But I thought you guys were all ex­tinct! Are you, like, the last one?
Amer­i­can tourist #2: Jay, shut up. It’s id­iots like you that make us look stu­pid. He’s mess­ing with you, there are no abo­rig­i­nals.

Ade­laide, Aus­tralia