Girl: So I had a realistic dream last night.
Guy (uninterested): Uh-huh.
Girl: I had anal sex in the dream. But I’ve never had anal sex before. But it seemed realistic.
Guy (uninterested): Hmm.
Girl: So now I need to have anal sex to see if it was like in my dream.
Guy (suddenly interested): Yeah?
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Sarah
Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn’t have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How’s your butt feel? Ha! I haven’t even told my friends about that yet!
Richmond, Virginia
Young woman: He was really sweet about the butt sex… If it’s possible to be sweet about butt sex.
Windermere, Florida
Overheard by: I think that’s entirely possible…
Flamboyant art boy: So all that anal sex meant nothing to you?!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: voltaire
Mom gripping three kids by their collars with one hand while pointing with each word at each kid with her other hand: I. Don’t. Want. To. Hear. Another. Word. About. Sticking. Something. Up. Your. Asses!
Toy aisle, Wal-Mart
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: keller-wish i’d gotten there fifteen seconds earlier
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: So, this is totally random, but if a gay black man has anal sex, do you think he can see if he has shit on his dick when he’s done?
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: Uh…
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: How sick would that be? I mean, they’re black. Well, actually, they’re brown. And shit is brown, you know? So how can they tell?
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: I would hope they’d notice.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: Think about it! Walking around with shit on your dick? Nasty.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: Maybe that’s why some black people smell bad.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: Oh my god! You’re so right. Ew! If I were a gay man, I’d never take it up the ass from a black guy.
530 Church Street
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Caryn
Sophomore #1: [Whispering.]Sophomore #2: Oh, dude! She is hot!
Sophomore #1: [Inaudible.]Sophomore #2: I would so fuck her!
Sophomore #1: [Inaudible.]Sophomore #2: Dude, I so would fuck her. Like, fuck her up the ass.
Mt. Tabor High School
North Carolina
Overheard by: eating lunch.
20-something woman preparing turkey to guy: I’m not sure what’s worse, pulling all this out of the turkey’s ass, or you taking it in the ass last night.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: At least some one had a happy thanksgiving
Curious friend: Doesn’t your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That’s what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don’t your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That’s what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that’s when he puts it in my butt.
Hoboken, New Jersey
WASP mom to her two pre-teen kids: Your father got fucked in the ass.
Micawber Books
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
