Archive for the ‘Baristas’ Category

… Ac­tu­al­ly, Can I Just Get a Hot Choco­late?

Cus­tomer: I’d like some tea… Or­gan­ic mint, please.
Barista: Okay, we have or­gan­ic lemon and or­gan­ic Earl Grey.
Cus­tomer: Um… Ac­tu­al­ly, I want­ed the or­gan­ic mint.
Barista: Oh, we have that, too.
Cus­tomer: Okay, then. That’s the one I’ll have.

De­sign Cof­fee shop, Uni­ver­si­ty of Wash­ing­ton
Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Just Me

We Thought We’d Give Him Some­thing to Make Him Ex­tra Hy­per

Five-year-old boy to barista: I’m get­ting my pee-pee cut off to­mor­row so I get a treat to­day!
Barista: Umm…
Moth­er to child: You are be­ing cir­cum­cised, not mu­ti­lat­ed! (to barista) It’s just a med­ical thing, he does­n’t re­al­ly get it.

Carmel, In­di­ana

When You Can Take the Hand­i­capped Kid’s Scis­sors Away, Grasshop­per…

Bim­bette: … You, like, learn to flip peo­ple on the mat. My mom knows how to do that. She works with re­tard­ed kids and they, like, have come at her with scis­sors and tried to cut her throat be­fore.
Barista: That does­n’t sound like a job I’d want to have.
Bim­bette: No, she loves it.

Gaithers­burg, Mary­land

Over­heard by: I just want my mocha, please

Oh, and One Of Your Mud­slides, Please.

En­ti­tled mid­dle-aged anorex­ic: I’ll have the Cobb sal­ad with no crou­tons, no ba­con, no egg, no cheese, and no av­o­ca­do, with the chick­en on a sep­a­rate plate.
Sheep­ish wait­ress: That just leaves let­tuce, toma­to, and olives. You sure that’s all you want, ma’am?
En­ti­tled mid­dle-aged anorex­ic: I’m sure.
Sheep­ish wait­ress: It’d be cheap­er to get a side sal­ad and just add chick­en.
En­ti­tled mid­dle-aged anorex­ic: No, I want a Cobb sal­ad.
Sheep­ish wait­ress: It would be the same thing with­out all the top­pings.
En­ti­tled mid­dle-aged anorex­ic: I. Want. A. Cobb. Sal­ad!
Sheep­ish wait­ress: Yes, ma’am. What kind of dress­ing would you like?
En­ti­tled mid­dle-aged anorex­ic: No dress­ing, please.
Sheep­ish wait­ress: Yes, ma’am.

TGI Fri­day’s

This Bul­let, for In­stance

Dude: So, what is this? Like, an en­er­gy drink, too?
Barista: Nah, it’s just a so­da.
Dude: Hm­mm, white grape juice, fil­tered car­bon­at­ed wa­ter… It does have like 22 grams of sug­ar, but I guess it’s like nat­ur­al sug­ar, so it’s not so bad, right?
Barista: I don’t know, it might kill ya!
Dude: Yeah, but I think that things that kill you make you smarter.

Jer­sey City, New Jer­sey

Is That Even Pos­si­ble?

Jer­sey Shore fan: Can you put on Jer­sey Shore? It’s the re­union!
Bar­tender: Sure, I was kind of hop­ing some­one would ask.
Fe­male drinker: Wow, I am go­ing to watch this dum­b­ass show in a bar, is this hap­pen­ing?
Jer­sey Shore fan: You love it, don’t try to lie cause your boys are here.
Bar­tender: These peo­ple are crazy, and that’s why we watch.
Bar pa­tron: I cant be­lieve I am watch­ing the re­union show with­out hav­ing seen a full episode. You are right: I cant stop watch­ing this. What the fuck? Is her name J‑Lo?
Jer­sey Shore fan: J… Wow! She is awe­some, snook­ie is my fa­vorite. I wish I could be friends with her.
Bar­tender: You have enough slut­ty friends.

Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: Earnie Hus­tle­ton