Archive for the ‘Bars & Clubs’ Category

Es­pe­cial­ly the One from Lit­tle House on the Prairie

Very ob­nox­ious drunk man to long-suf­fer­ing wait­ress: Hey, what’s your name, any­way?
Wait­ress (cold­ly): Melis­sa.
Drunk man (soft­ly): Awww, my daugh­ter’s name is Melis­sa.
Wait­ress: Well, I’m sor­ry to be the one to tell you this, but we usu­al­ly turn out slut­ty.

Bar
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Who Will Punch Me in the Ovaries Re­gard­less.

Drunk punk girl #1: Oh my god! Is that a rac­coon? I think it’s star­ing at me!
Drunk punk girl #2: That’s a fuckin shirt, you re­tard.
Drunk punk girl #1: Well, if it bites me, I’m punch­ing you in the ovaries!
Drunk punk girl #2, mut­ter­ing: I need new friends.

Out­side Bar
Ni­a­gara Falls, New York

You Might As Well Face It, You’re Ad­dict­ed to Lumps

Very preg­nant woman sur­round­ed by mis­be­hav­ing chil­dren: Preg­nan­cy is just such a gift. I mean, I feel so blessed. Like, this is what my body was made for, you know? I just feel so much more com­plete when I’m preg­nant. Know­ing that I’m grow­ing this life…
Young woman be­hind her in line, in­ter­rupt­ing: Madam? You are a walk­ing ad­ver­tise­ment for manda­to­ry birth con­trol.

Star­bucks
Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: The guy ap­plaud­ing her