(five-year-old boy is slapping and punching packages of beef and pork)
Father: Josh! Stop slapping the meat.
Bystander: (laughs out loud)
Father (hissing): No! Not that!
Safeway
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: TK
Archive for the ‘Bartenders’ Category
This Calls for Our Complimentary “Maternity” Shot
Bartender to woman with two drinks: Double-fisting it tonight? You must be really thirsty.
Woman, patting stomach: Well, I’m drinking for two.
Bartender, excited: Congratulations!
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Emma
Why Alcohol Exists.
Barman to another: I was looking forward to being miserable this weekend, but it seems to have turned out quite nicely.
http://www.violaraptor.co.uk/2011/06/quotebook-january-may-2011/
Overheard by: Raptor
And Tucked in Your Gunt
Lesbian bartender: I am so mad right now.
Gay bartender (affectionately touching her cheek): Awwww…honey… You shaved!
Boston, Massachusetts
In My Hummer
Bartender: I can’t believe she rides her bike to work.
Waitress: Well, she lives just around the corner.
Bartender: I don’t care. If I lived in the parking lot, I would still drive to work.
Phoenix, Arizona
In the Back, with I.C. Weiner and Amanda Hugginkiss
Customer, bursting through door: Is there a gentleman here named “male libido?“
Bartender: Yep!
Prescott, Arizona
Overheard by: The Colinator
Which Only Comes Into Play After Three or More Margaritas
Bartender: The answer was “The North Sea.” We did not accept “Nordic” or “Norse.“
Guy: But my hand has a lisp!
http://www.overheardatumbc.com
How Do You Think the Lollipop Guild Got Their Name?
Girl #1: So my computer is dead, and I don’t know how to fix it.
Girl #2: What do you think is wrong with it?
Girl #1: It’s got a virus. But it was totally worth it.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah? Why?
Girl #1: Well, Mary* and I were curious and wanted to know if midgets’ dicks are normal-sized or midget-sized, so we were looking up midget porn.
Girl #2: And the verdict is?
Girl #1: They’re normal-sized. This one guy was seriously a tripod. It’s incredible.
Male bartender: Yeah, I can see how that would be worth a completely devastating virus on your computer. Can you write down the website you found it on?
Killarney’s Pub
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
You Can’t Make This Shit Up.
Dude at bar: So wait, after her husband left her here by herself–completely shitfaced–she then fucked a total stranger in the bathroom?
Bartender: Yep.
Dude at bar: And then she came back out here bragging about getting banged in the ass?
Gay dude, sidling up: Sounds like an awesome night.
District Bar
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big D
So, No Rules, Just Right?
Bartender: So, what do you do?
Girl: I work at the morgue dissecting babies. Y’know, cutting them to get skin samples.
Bartender: Really?
Girl: Yeah. We call it ‘the baby grinder.‘
Bartender: That’s disgusting.
Girl: What’s really gross is every time I do it I get really hungry.
Bar
Fitzroy
Australia
