Overheard Everywhere

Archive for the ‘Bartenders’ Category

In My Hum­mer

Bar­tender: I can’t be­lieve she rides her bike to work.
Wait­ress: Well, she lives just around the cor­ner.
Bar­tender: I don’t care. If I lived in the park­ing lot, I would still dri­ve to work.

Phoenix, Ari­zona

How Do You Think the Lol­lipop Guild Got Their Name?

Girl #1: So my com­put­er is dead, and I don’t know how to fix it.
Girl #2: What do you think is wrong with it?
Girl #1: It’s got a virus. But it was to­tal­ly worth it.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah? Why?
Girl #1: Well, Mary* and I were cu­ri­ous and want­ed to know if midgets’ dicks are nor­mal-sized or midget-sized, so we were look­ing up midget porn.
Girl #2: And the ver­dict is?
Girl #1: They’re nor­mal-sized. This one guy was se­ri­ous­ly a tri­pod. It’s in­cred­i­ble.
Male bar­tender: Yeah, I can see how that would be worth a com­plete­ly dev­as­tat­ing virus on your com­put­er. Can you write down the web­site you found it on?

Kil­lar­ney’s Pub
Hamil­ton, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Cur­rrly!

You Can’t Make This Shit Up.

Dude at bar: So wait, af­ter her hus­band left her here by herself–completely shitfaced–she then fucked a to­tal stranger in the bath­room?
Bar­tender: Yep.
Dude at bar: And then she came back out here brag­ging about get­ting banged in the ass?
Gay dude, sidling up: Sounds like an awe­some night.

Dis­trict Bar
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Big D

So, No Rules, Just Right?

Bar­tender: So, what do you do?
Girl: I work at the morgue dis­sect­ing ba­bies. Y’­know, cut­ting them to get skin sam­ples.
Bar­tender: Re­al­ly?
Girl: Yeah. We call it ‘the ba­by grinder.‘
Bar­tender: That’s dis­gust­ing.
Girl: What’s re­al­ly gross is every time I do it I get re­al­ly hun­gry.

Bar
Fitzroy
Aus­tralia

Ker­mit: It’s Not Easy Ooz­ing Green

Bar­tender #1: Yeah, so I had this weird shit comin’ out­ta my dick. It was sick, dude. Like this funky green pus-like shit ooz­ing from the tip. Smelled like shit, too.
Bar­tender #2: Dude, you need to quit bon­ing so many filthy whores. You’re like rot­ting from the in­side.
Bar­tender #1: Shit, man, I don’t give a fuck. As long as I keep get­tin’ laid.
Bar­tender #2: You ain’t gonna be doin’ shit if your fuckin’ nasty dick falls off.
Bar­tender #1: I know, right? This last chick I nailed was a to­tal slut. I pulled down my pants and she could smell what­ev­er’s up with my cock. She goes “Ew, what stinks? Is that your dick?” And I go, “No, it’s my feet, I swear!” Then I just pulled her to­wards me and shoved it in. It was awe­some.
Bar­tender #2: Fuck, man. Some­thing’s def­i­nite­ly wrong with you.

Gaithers­burg, Mary­land

Over­heard by: Nasty Nate