Archive for the ‘Bartenders’ Category

How Do You Think the Lollipop Guild Got Their Name?

Girl #1: So my computer is dead, and I don’t know how to fix it.
Girl #2: What do you think is wrong with it?
Girl #1: It’s got a virus. But it was totally worth it.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah? Why?
Girl #1: Well, Mary* and I were curious and wanted to know if midgets’ dicks are normal-sized or midget-sized, so we were looking up midget porn.
Girl #2: And the verdict is?
Girl #1: They’re normal-sized. This one guy was seriously a tripod. It’s incredible.
Male bartender: Yeah, I can see how that would be worth a completely devastating virus on your computer. Can you write down the website you found it on?

Killarney’s Pub
Hamilton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Currrly!

In My Hummer

Bartender: I can’t believe she rides her bike to work.
Waitress: Well, she lives just around the corner.
Bartender: I don’t care. If I lived in the parking lot, I would still drive to work.

Phoenix, Arizona

You Can’t Make This Shit Up.

Dude at bar: So wait, after her husband left her here by herself–completely shitfaced–she then fucked a total stranger in the bathroom?
Bartender: Yep.
Dude at bar: And then she came back out here bragging about getting banged in the ass?
Gay dude, sidling up: Sounds like an awesome night.

District Bar
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Big D

So, No Rules, Just Right?

Bartender: So, what do you do?
Girl: I work at the morgue dissecting babies. Y’know, cutting them to get skin samples.
Bartender: Really?
Girl: Yeah. We call it ‘the baby grinder.‘
Bartender: That’s disgusting.
Girl: What’s really gross is every time I do it I get really hungry.