Male bartender: Why’d you open a new grenadine? We have an open one right here. See? Cherry drips all over it.
Female bartender: I got your cherry drips right here. (pause) Wait. Never mind.
St. Louis Park, Minnesota
Overheard by: Whelan
Archive for the ‘Bartenders’ Category
Dude, I’m Not a Starfish!
Drunk girl: I have an amazing vagina.
Bartender: Is it an innie or an outie?
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: abby
For Sheer Drama, Jersey Shore Has Nothing on the North Shore
Restaurant waitress, ranting: If my family weren’t here I would take my shoe off and stab you in the eye with it.
Saugus, Massachusetts
We Could Pretend We’re a Siamese Twin
Guy to female bartender: Why don’t we just date other people together?
http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/2008/08/proposal.html
Overheard by: rich
Ad: Have You Sustained a U.D.I.?
Bartender to limping girl entering bar: Are you limping? Oh my god! What happened?
Limping girl: Damn, you weren’t here last night, I was hoping you’d tell me!
Washington, DC
And Stop Pulling the Pork!
(five-year-old boy is slapping and punching packages of beef and pork)
Father: Josh! Stop slapping the meat.
Bystander: (laughs out loud)
Father (hissing): No! Not that!
Safeway
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: TK
Even in Metric Drinks
Bartender: I’ve never seen someone drink ten Jägerbombs in 15 minutes before…you must be from hell.
Slightly drunk girl: No! I’m from New York. 10? That was 10? Oh, crap, 10 is a lot more than 3.
London
England
And Can I Use Your Leg As a Scratching Post?
Patron #1: Keith is really sorry to have acted like that.
Bartender: Does he even realize how drunk he was?
Patron #1: I’m just saying, that is not the Keith we know
Patron #2: [starts laughing].
Bartender: Well, he is a nice guy, he just gets too drunk.
Patron #1: I’m just letting you know, that according to all the cats he knows, you are the meow [makes a pawing gesture].
Bartender: Okay, how drunk are you?
Patron #2: He doesn’t even know who Keith is.
Patron #1: Where are we?
Bennigans
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Chris
As I Have Noticed Your Lack of Training Wheels
Drunk girl in bar to bartender: You should be so lucky as to have sex with me.
Bartender: I wouldn’t fuck you for practice.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: warm ups?
Whatever. Starving Children in Nigeria Don’t Even Have Earlobes.
Bartender: Geez, Hank, you’re looking great these days. Been working out?
Chubby Jewish guy: Yeah. I tell ya, I’ve been trying to lose the spare tire, but I lost it all in my earlobes instead. It’s a cruel world.
Suami’s India Garden Resturant
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Jeebus McGee
