There’s Just Some­thing about the Sweat­ing and the Open Sores

Girl #1: Oh my god! You should see this guy I met at a par­ty [shows a pic­ture on her com­put­er].
Girl #2: Yeah, he’s pret­ty good-look­ing.
Girl #1: I know, he’s so hot. Like, in an ‘I’m mys­te­ri­ous and a re­cov­er­ing drug ad­dict’ sort of way.

http://overheardatwestern.blogspot.com/

Over­heard by: lau­ra

Hope You Bitch­es Saved Me Some Weed

Mom: Why is the tv on with the mute on?
Daugh­ter #1: Cause of the pret­ty mov­ing pic­tures!
Daugh­ter #2: Yeah! It’s like an aquar­i­um, but with Tom Han­ks.

Up­per Hutt
New Zealand

Over­heard by: Kat

The Peo­ple Look Cold and Frothy.

Man in pub, to friend: Oh, they look nice! (pause) The beers, I mean, not the peo­ple.

http://www.violaraptor.co.uk/2011/06/quotebook-january-may-2011/

Over­heard by: Rap­tor

You’re Just Sup­posed to Be Hav­ing Sex Shame­ful­ly in Cars and Stair­wells

Boy: Yo soy sexy.
Teacher, hy­per­ven­ti­lat­ing: You can’t say you’re sexy! You’re on­ly fif­teen years old!

Span­ish Class
El Pa­so, Texas

…What­ev­er Your Name Is.

Very preg­nant woman: I don’t want to have this ba­by. I don’t want to have to work all of this weight off.
Man: I think I should keep you preg­nant. This is the least worst you’ve ever looked.

Hast­ing’s
Wi­chi­ta Falls, Texas

Over­heard by: mike­face

The New Apartheid

Teen girl dri­ving car: I’m turn­ing left be­cause I’m ug­ly.

New Zealand

Over­heard by: pas­sen­ger

But the Make-a-Wish Peo­ple Laughed at Me

Drunk guy to two girls: No, re­al­ly! My ul­ti­mate fan­ta­sy is to have sex with a ridicu­lous­ly hot girl while you two are on the fu­ton eat­ing chee­tos!

Aburn Uni­ver­si­ty
Auburn, Al­aba­ma

…Once I Ran Out of Poop

Daugh­ter: Mom­my, mom­my, that dress makes you look six­teen years younger!
[Later]Daughter: Mom­my, if you were strand­ed in the desert with­out any wa­ter, what would you do?
Moth­er: [No re­sponse].
Daugh­ter: [to lit­tle sis­ter] I would eat my own blood.

Old Navy
Prom­e­nade Mall, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Claus­tro­pho­bic

I’m So Sneak­ing in­to the Men’s Lock­er Room!

Girl on train: I usu­al­ly do my arms, but then I look at Jane and her hairy arms and think, Man, if she can do it, I can, too!

http://overheardinsydney.blogspot.com/2006/02/when-in-rome-do-as-romans-do.html

Should I Write My Num­ber on His Hand in Cray­on?

Preschool­er left alone in stroller, singing, to 20-some­thing girl walk­ing by: Cha, cha, cha…you’re charm­ing!
20-some­thing, on cell: I think I just got hit on by a four-year-old! No, it was ac­tu­al­ly bet­ter than most of the lines I’ve heard.

Ap­ple­ton, Wis­con­sin