Archive for the ‘Birds’ Category

In Fact, He’s De­li­cious

Cap­tain on in­ter­com: Ladies and gen­tle­men, just want­ed to let you know the rea­son this flight was de­layed. The plane col­lid­ed with a bird up­on land­ing. It’s no big deal; it just hit a body part. The bird is okay.

Air­port
Pitts­burgh, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: La­dle (who is skep­ti­cal about the well-be­ing of the bird)

e e cum­mings Would Go on to Fame and For­tune

Hobo, sit­ting next to guys on bench: And then my guys, damn birds! (mut­ters in­co­her­ent­ly) Every­where! Fuck­ing pi­geons! They eat and shit and live and shit. (mut­ters in­co­her­ent­ly) Cats, and mind con­trol, that’s what we need…
(hobo gets up and rolls down the street)
Guy #1: What the fuck?
Guy #2: I think he’s my hero.

Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

So Now I Need a Dust Bath

Paris Hilton looka­like waif on cell, wear­ing tight car­go Capris and gi­ant white sun­glass­es: No, the steak­house one… (pause) Yeah, when the vul­tures flew out of my pants!

Trail­er Park be­hind PET­CO
New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: IDK if I want to un­der­stand this one