But, in the End, He Let Us Both Grad­u­ate

Hip­ster girl to guy: I got lucky. All I had to do was make out with him. (mo­tions to oth­er hip­ster girl stand­ing be­side them) She had to suck him off!

At­lanta, Geor­gia

Ken­ny Ches­ney Nev­er Men­tioned That

Hun­gover chick: It was the first time I ever gave a blow job…on a trac­tor.

Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: Shot­boy

Men’s In­tu­ition

Guy: That dude’s gonna get a blowjob in 20 min­utes.

Pitts­burgh, Penn­syl­va­nia

Just Dip It in the Jar, Dude!

Queer: Would­n’t it be great if penis­es tast­ed like Nutel­la?
Fag hag: Un­for­tu­nate­ly, oral sex does­n’t give you an evo­lu­tion­ary ad­van­tage, so we’ll prob­a­bly nev­er evolve that way.

Mon­tre­al
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: premed

It Is When She’s Blow­ing Me While I Cook

Dish hand: Did you fuck it all up again, chef?
Chef: Sure did.
Dish hand: You do this every fuck­ing shift.
Chef: Yeah, but my wife’s hot.
Dish hand: That is not a valid de­fense!

Ade­laide
Aus­tralia

Guy: Mind! I Said I Would­n’t Mind!

Drunk girl on cell: What? … I’m so drunk I can’t even hear… I want to do naughty things to you… So, you’re say­ing if I were to lick and suck you, you would­n’t care?

Fid­dler’s Green
Win­ter Park, Flori­da

Over­heard by: grossed out be­cause she’s not even cute

Best. Peer Ad­vi­sor. Ever.

Cu­ri­ous friend: Does­n’t your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That’s what my hands are for!
Cu­ri­ous friend: Don’t your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That’s what my mouth is for!
Cu­ri­ous friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that’s when he puts it in my butt.

Hobo­ken, New Jer­sey

I’m Gonna Ride This Sci­ence Project All the Way to Har­vard

En­thu­si­as­tic teenag­er, wav­ing hands em­phat­i­cal­ly: If you can deep throat a ba­nana, you can suck a dick!

Tal­la­has­see, Flori­da

Over­heard by: If you can wax a car…

No More Babysit­ting for You, Suzanne.

Nerdy girl to Asian friend: I mean, it was pa­thet­ic. I could’ve had my top off and had a sign around my neck that said “free blowjobs” and they would­n’t have no­ticed. They were all crowd­ed around Mike watch­ing him play Poke­mon.

Chica­go, Illi­nois

If You Dou­ble-Clutch Me, I’ll Bite It Off

Girl on cell: Yes, that’s ex­act­ly how I want to die! You dri­ving us drunk down the high­way at a hun­dred miles per hour while I give you head and you use one hand to play with my tits and the oth­er to shift gears!

Uni­ver­si­ty of Delaware
Newark, Delaware

Over­heard by: Anne