Archive for the ‘BJs’ Category

No­body Can Do Sex­u­al Ha­rass­ment Like the In­sane

Crazy bag la­dy, loud­ly: I don’t suck dick for pussy! I don’t suck dick for pussy! I don’t suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to an­oth­er pas­sen­ger on the sub­way)
Crazy bag la­dy, now in pas­sen­ger’s face: I don’t suck dick for pussy!
(fe­male pas­sen­ger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag la­dy: Why you jump­ing? Why you jump­ing, bitch!? You weren’t jumpin’ last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Fe­male pas­sen­ger: Ex­cuse me, ma’am, don’t say that to me! You don’t know me!
(sub­way train stops)
Con­duc­tor: City Hall sta­tion!
Fe­male pas­sen­ger: Ex­cuse me, sir, there’s a crazy la­dy on the sub­way ha­rass­ing the oth­er pas­sen­gers.
Con­duc­tor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(fe­male pas­sen­ger points to crazy woman yelling)
Con­duc­tor: Ma’am, are you both­er­ing peo­ple?
Crazy bag la­dy: Why you tryin’ to fuck me stand­ing up!? Why don’t you fuck me ly­ing down like a gen­tle­man!
Con­duc­tor: Ma’am, I’m call­ing the po­lice.

Broad Street Line Sub­way
Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

If You’d Like to Know How Sound Car­ries, Con­sult the School Nurse

Bi­ol­o­gy teacher: [bad­ly draws a woman singing in­to a mi­cro­phone, which looks sus­pi­cious­ly like a woman about to give head] If you take this, for ex­am­ple…
[class laughs]Biology teacher: [steps away from board and sees what class is laugh­ing about] Uh…[erases draw­ing]… We’re just not go­ing to draw to­day.

Con­necti­cut

The Blowjob Bun­ny Makes Her Rounds

Drunk chick: Look, this is go­ing to take five sec­onds. I just want to say hi, suck him off, and then we can leave.

http://greenoverheard.blogspot.com/2006/02/what-happened-to-shaking-hands.html

Over­heard by:

Imag­ine That.

Smokin’ hot Fil­ip­ina girl­friend: My friend said that I should use Pho­to­shop and imag­i­na­tion to do this. I have Pho­to­shop, but where can I get imag­i­na­tion? I’ve nev­er heard of it.
White boyfriend: You’re kid­ding me, right?
Smokin’ hot Fil­ip­ina girl­friend: What?
White boyfriend: There is no soft­ware called “imag­i­na­tion.” Just use your imag­i­na­tion. Duh!
Smokin’ hot Fil­ip­ina girl­friend: You’re so not get­ting a blowjob tonight.

Toron­to
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: The white boyfriend

Just Dip It in the Jar, Dude!

Queer: Would­n’t it be great if penis­es tast­ed like Nutel­la?
Fag hag: Un­for­tu­nate­ly, oral sex does­n’t give you an evo­lu­tion­ary ad­van­tage, so we’ll prob­a­bly nev­er evolve that way.

Mon­tre­al
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: premed