Archive for the ‘Books’ Category

No Need to Get All Paulette Goddard on Me

Teenage girl: Mom, you have to buy me this book!
Mom: No, I don't, and I shan't.
Teenage girl: You what?
Mom: I shan't.
Teenage girl: “Shan't”?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: “Shan't”?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: “Shan't”?
Mom: Yes. Shan't.
Teenage girl: That's a word?
Mom: Yes.
Teenage girl: What's it mean?
Mom: It's a contraction of “shall not”, as in “I shan't buy you that book.”
Teenage girl: Ugh, fine! Enough shan'ting already!

Borders Bookstore
Olathe, Kansas

Hard to Imagine You Two Have Time to Read

(40-something man was hitting on young clerk when his wife comes up)
Man: I honestly think man wasn't meant to be faithful. We're all so sexual.
Wife: Did you forget I was here?
Man: I'll be in the car in a second.
(she leaves store)
Man, after looking back at clerk: Please. She loves getting pimped out to my friends.

Bookstore
Ocala, Florida