Archive for the ‘Bragging’ Category

Roseanne Barr: The Flight At­ten­dant Years

An­gry suit: When is this plane go­ing to take off? I have a very im­por­tant meet­ing to get to!
Flight at­ten­dant: The in­com­ing plane is de­layed, sir, there’s noth­ing we can do at the mo­ment.
An­gry suit: Well, are you go­ing to make arrange­ments for me to get on an­oth­er flight? This is ur­gent! Do you know who I am?
Flight at­ten­dant (over loud­speak­er): Ex­cuse me, ladies and gen­tle­men, there is a gen­tle­man at the desk who does not know who he is. If any­one has any in­for­ma­tion about his iden­ti­ty, please come for­ward.

Mid­way Air­port
Chica­go, Illi­nois

You Haven’t Lived ‘Til You’ve Seen Me Ap­plaud with Them.

Cute girl: I have great tits!
Gay friend, skep­ti­cal­ly: I guess they’re nice…
Cute girl: No, re­al­ly. Each of my last four boyfriends or longish-term hookup bud­dies were ass-men when they met me, and by the time we split, they’d each been con­vert­ed to boob-men.
Gay friend, still skep­ti­cal: That may just mean your ass is­n’t great.
Cute girl: Damn, you’re so cup-half-emp­ty. My ass is great. My tits are just phe­nom­e­nal.

Man­hat­tan, New York

But I Want to Be the Straight-shoot­er, If You Know What I Mean.

Male moun­tain bik­er: All we ever did was make out. And that’s not what I want in a re­la­tion­ship. If I want­ed a hook-up bud­dy I’d at least get one who would suck my dick. I mean, there’s like 14 girls I could go to right now. So that’s why I broke up with her.
Fe­male moun­tain bik­er: Yeah… She was pret­ty straight­for­ward though, was­n’t she?

Crafton Hills, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: they did­n’t even no­tice I was wear­ing hik­ing in slip­pers