(on a bus passing city jail)
Mom: Look kids… that’s where daddy is.
(pause)
Mom: I can give you a haircut.
Man: I like the lady who does my hair, she has good mirrors so I can see the back of my head.
Mom: I’ve got good mirrors. I’ve got mirrors on the ceiling, too.
Bus
Omaha, Nebraska
Girl #1: You should get you some.
Girl #2: I don’t think I could handle the stupidity. I ruined my fantasy by talking to him.
Bus
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: always a problem
Worried suit: That’s why we get our chairs cleaned more than any other department. We get our chairs cleaned every three months. Why doesn’t anyone put a stop to this?
Metro Bus
Seattle, Washington
Guy in suit: I said, “It’s better than a Chinese prison, you should be used to it by now.”
Memorial Union Bus Stop
University of Rhode Island, Kingston, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Jo
Undergrad on cell: And the paper has to be, like, 10 to 12 pages long! (pause) I know! I’m like, “I’m not writing my freaking thesis here!”
Bus
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Girl on bus: I’ve been trying to quit drinking and she was all like, “have some juice with me!” And then she pulls out a half gallon of vodka, and I’m all, “bitch, what you doing?”
Seattle, Washington
Tayal tribesman bus driver: Sir, do you want to get off at this stop?
Old man: Yes, I want off at this stop, I am going to the dentist’s.
Bus driver: What’s wrong?
Old man: I have to have a tooth pulled. Can you believe that? I’m 82 but I still have to have a tooth pulled.
Bus driver: If you’re going to have one pulled, you may as well have a bunch taken out.
Old man: That won’t do, false teeth are expensive.
Bus driver: Then have boar tusks put in.
Old man: Boar tusks?
Bus driver (very earnestly): Yes, you can have two tusks put in on the lower jaw, and when they grow, they’ll look great! (uses his fingers to demonstrate how the tusks would look growing out of his mouth)
Old man (laughing): It would take a long time for them to grow.
Bus driver: Not long! You’re an old boar, but I’m just a young boar, so yours would grow much faster than mine!
(old man gets off bus laughing cheerfully)
http://talovich.blogspot.com/2008_08_01_archive.html#4067720002953022860
Overheard by: Yugan Dali
Young man on cell: So there’s someone cleaning their floor with the blood of one of their relatives, and it’s like…a bit much, you know?
Bus, Denmark Hill
London
England
Overheard by: trying not to turn around
Woman: There’s nothing in my mouth that I’m ashamed of!
87 Bus
Jersey City, New Jersey
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can’t believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you’re supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn’t! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!
Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa
Overheard by: Casey
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
