You’d Know Why If You’d Ever Dipped One in the Toi­let

Tip­sy guy to girl be­side him: What are you do­ing lat­er?
Girl: Go­ing home to Scotch­gard my bathrobe.

Duke & Duchess Bar
On­tario
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Coop­er Street Rel­ic

The Pre­lude to This Sea­son’s Great­est Love Sto­ry

Hobo sit­ting on side­walk: Hey, can you spare some change?
Stu­dent: Sor­ry, man. I’m as broke as you right now.
Hobo: Grab a seat.

Guelph
On­tario
Cana­dia

So That’s What the Pro­peller Beanie Is About

Row­dy child in shop­ping cart: Mom! What’s that?
Tired mom: Spam.
Row­dy child: Mom! Can we get it? Can we get it, mom? Mom? Can we? Mom!
Tired mom: No.
(row­dy child starts freak­ing out)
Tired mom: Okay! Fine, but will you eat it?
Row­dy child: Nope…I just like at­ten­tion.

Sobey’s
Toron­to, On­tario
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: aleX­is

Is­n’t That Kind of Gild­ing the Lily?

Girl: Hey, Chantelle*! Chantelle!
Chantelle: What?
Girl: Did you bring skank boots?
Chantelle: Yeah.

Dra­ma class, All Saints High School
Whit­by, On­tario
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: fresh­man whis­per­er

Just Start Blow­ing Things and See What Comes Out

Hip­ster guy: I can’t tell if I’m horny or it’s just my si­nus in­fec­tion again…

UBC
Cana­dia

Eh, Chris­tians Say Yes; Jews Say Hell, No

Blonde stu­dent to teacher: Is the New Tes­ta­ment in the Torah?

Ed­mon­ton
Cana­dia

En­ci­no Man Is Her Porn

20-some­thing girl to an­oth­er: I love hairy West Coast men. If they look like they haven’t show­ered or shaved in a good week, send ’em my way.

Cal­gary
Al­ber­ta
Cana­dia

Just Like Whales.

Guy with burg­er to friend, loud­ly: Pen­guins are fish, and fish don’t eat fish!

Van­cou­ver
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: kib

But, Like Gas, Less Ex­pen­sive If You Pump It Your­self

Girl #1: I can just ask Jay if I can bor­row his truck.
Girl #2: Do you ever give him gas mon­ey?
Girl #1: No, I give him sex.
Girl #2: But gas is ex­pen­sive…
Girl #1: And sex is ex­pen­sive if you have to pay for it.

North Bay
On­tario
Cana­dia

And Don’t Get Me Start­ed on the Blood, Dawg

Pas­tor, plac­ing a piece of bread in guy’s hand: The body of Christ, giv­en to you.
Teen girl, just in earshot: The body be stale, yo.
Teen girl’s friend: I hear ya.

St. Jude’s Church
Oakville, On­tario
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Fee­briel