They Make “Ladies’ Weight” Guns, You Know

Drunk bim­bette: We’re s’­posed to be so la­dy­like… Why do girls have to be so ghet­to and stab each oth­er all the time?

York Uni­ver­si­ty
Toron­to, On­tario
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: A and A

But I’m Sure You’ll Lo­cate Your Suit­case– Bwa­ha­ha!

Pas­sen­ger try­ing to find lost bag­gage: Ex­cuse me! Do you work for Unit­ed?
Air­line stew­ard: No! Oh no! Thank god!

P.E. Trudeau Air­port
Mon­tre­al
Cana­dia

It’ll Pop Up Again in the Spring

Guy #1: Are you gonna get test­ed?
Guy #2: I think the Lau­ren thing pret­ty much takes care of it.
Guy #3: You should still get test­ed.
Guy #2: Yeeeah, but I don’t like get­ting blood tak­en from me and I don’t have any like, symp­toms, so…
Guy #3: Well, I haven’t seen your pe­nis.

Si­mon Fras­er Uni­ver­si­ty
British Co­lum­bia
Cana­dia

In the Mean­time, Would You Like to Take My Card?

Wild­ly beard­ed hobo rid­ing rusty bi­cy­cle and wear­ing on­ly one shoe and para­chute pants: Why, hel­lo miss. Would you be in­ter­est­ed in en­ter­ing in­to a mu­tu­al­ly ben­e­fi­cial body mas­sage arrange­ment?
Sur­prised, red­head­ed woman: Uh­h­h­hh, not to­day, thank you.
Hobo: I’ll try back lat­er.

Queen West
Toron­to
Cana­dia

I Was Like, “Sor­ry, I’m Try­ing to Cut Down”

Skin­ny guy: He’s com­ing to the par­ty tonight? Was­n’t he hit­ting on your girl­friend last time?
Big burly beard­ed guy: No, she texted me last night. She talked to his room­mate: turns out he was­n’t invit­ing her to a three­some ’cause he likes her. He was invit­ing us to a four­some ’cause he likes me.

On­tario
Cana­dia

Put Your Hands be­hind Your Back and Crank Out Some Pushups

Fe­male Eng­lish ma­jor: Can boobs be con­sid­ered limbs?

Queen’s Uni­ver­si­ty
Kingston
Cana­dia

In the Glow of the Au­ro­ra Bo­re­alis

Girl: I saw two penis­es on Sat­ur­day.

Out­side Air­port, Yel­lowknife
North­west Ter­ri­to­ries
Cana­dia

Why Ball-Gags Ex­ist.

Girl #1: You should get you some.
Girl #2: I don’t think I could han­dle the stu­pid­i­ty. I ru­ined my fan­ta­sy by talk­ing to him.

Bus
Van­cou­ver
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: al­ways a prob­lem

Be­hind the Wheel, Sure

Girl (read­ing in­spi­ra­tional quote): “The best and most beau­ti­ful things in the world can­not be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.” (pause) He­len Keller. (to friend) Was­n’t she, like, a killer?

In­di­go Book­store
Toron­to
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Sunis­sa

Just Dip It in the Jar, Dude!

Queer: Would­n’t it be great if penis­es tast­ed like Nutel­la?
Fag hag: Un­for­tu­nate­ly, oral sex does­n’t give you an evo­lu­tion­ary ad­van­tage, so we’ll prob­a­bly nev­er evolve that way.

Mon­tre­al
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: premed