Be­hind the Wheel, Sure

Girl (read­ing in­spi­ra­tional quote): “The best and most beau­ti­ful things in the world can­not be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.” (pause) He­len Keller. (to friend) Was­n’t she, like, a killer?

In­di­go Book­store
Toron­to
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Sunis­sa

Just Dip It in the Jar, Dude!

Queer: Would­n’t it be great if penis­es tast­ed like Nutel­la?
Fag hag: Un­for­tu­nate­ly, oral sex does­n’t give you an evo­lu­tion­ary ad­van­tage, so we’ll prob­a­bly nev­er evolve that way.

Mon­tre­al
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: premed

I’ve Prac­ticed on My Life­sized “Sev­en of Nine” Doll

Nerdy teen #1: So you just sort of put your hands down her pants and rub up be­hind her.
Nerdy teen #2 (nod­ding): Yeah. I know what you mean.

Van­cou­ver
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: ilove­hol­i­days

Gonna Be a Long Se­mes­ter

Lin­guis­tics pro­fes­sor, af­ter girl asks ques­tion: Well, the short an­swer would be ‘Yes,’ and by ‘yes’ I mean ‘no.’

http://www.overheardatmcgill.com/

Over­heard by:

I Named My Cat “Ve­luti­nous.”

Teenage queer: How do you say ‘fluffy’ in sci­ence?
Ran­dom young boy: Fluffol­o­gy?
Pret­ty woman: What?
Teenage queer: Ve­luti­nous?
Ran­dom young boy: Oh, that’s sci­encey.

Au­ro­ra
On­tario
Cana­dia

…Ahem, “Sylbs”

Fe­male col­lege stu­dent: Yeah, I tod did that too!
Guy col­lege stu­dent: Did you just say “tod” in­stead of “to­tal­ly”?
Fe­male col­lege stu­dent: Yeah, I nev­er say any words that are more than two syl­la­bles!

Col­lege
On­tario
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Cat

A Dick­ta­tor­ship?

Pro­fes­sor: So Rus­sia had this re­al­ly phal­lus-ori­ent­ed sys­tem of gov­ern­ment…

Uni­ver­si­ty
New­found­land
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Mel

I Nev­er Know What the Hell I’m Up­set About

Teeny­bop­per #1: Oooh, look at the nail pol­ish I just got!
Teeny­bop­per #2: I nev­er use Sal­ly Hansen nail pol­ish any­more, be­cause they test on an­i­mals.
Teeny­bop­per #1: Re­al­ly? What does that even mean?
Teeny­bop­per #2: I don’t know. Some­thing about pigs, I think…

Ot­tawa, On­tario
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: EL

The More Ab­surd It Is, the Bet­ter. Like Chris­tian­i­ty

Gym teacher, dur­ing stretch­es: If you do it this way, it makes it eas­i­er and al­so more chal­leng­ing.

Hen­ry Wise Wood High School
Cal­gary
Cana­dia

…and I’ll Pro­pose to You.

Dude: Just press your nip­ple up against the glass.

Roller Der­by Game
Vic­to­ria
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Jay