Tired restaurant patron: Why would Reese’s Pieces put out rhesus monkeys? That’s just wrong!
Restaurant
Ocala, Florida
Overheard by: Fully aware restaurant patron
Archive for the ‘Candy’ Category
Burned My Eyebrows Off More Than Once
Girl #1: It’s like those candy cigarettes you used to get at Halloween. It teaches kids bad principles.
Girl #2: Those taste like crap anyway.
Guy: Yeah, and they never catch.
Boone, North Carolina
Also, I’m Having Company Tonight, So You’ll Have to Find Another Place to Sleep
Young boy to father: Dad, I really wanted that chocolate cereal, did you buy some for me?
Father: No.
Young boy: Why not?
Father: Listen, I’d also prefer it if you stayed at your mom’s all the time. But do we always get what we want? No.
Subway
Vienna
Austria
If Charles Dickens Had Gone to College in Florida
Girl: It was a land of chocolate and a land of Lego. It was glorious.
Random guy, walking by: Glorious!
University of Central Florida
Unless Our Government Reinstates the Draft
Philosophy professor: I can’t say I would rather have M&Ms than strong feet.
SUNY Purchase
Purchase, New York
Overheard by: Seth
… Little Candy Chlamydia
Woman with two toddlers, ordering cake: I need a P‑E-N-I‑S cake…
Manager, walking in, gleefully oblivious: Ohhh, a penis cake! We can put fake hair on it. Last time, we had fake semen shooting out…
Huntington, California
…Now It’s My Turn to Say Something About Cavity Searches
Security: What are you studying?
Girl checking books in X‑ray machine: Proper oral technique.
Security: (snickers)
Girl: Dentistry!
Security: Oh.
Airpot
Newcastle
England
And You’re Okay with This Apartheid?
Kid: I want Skittles.
Mom: We have M&Ms at home. We don’t need any more candy.
Kid, after long pause: The Skittles telled me they’re lonesome. They want to go home and see their friends, the M&Ms.
Mom: Nice try, but no… Skittles and M&Ms don’t frequent the same social circles, anyway.
Kroger
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: He-Man Skittle-Haters Club
Crazy Like a Bunny
Older woman, picking up a bag of peppermints: I still have candy corn out from Halloween. Is it okay to have peppermints and candy corn out at the same time?
Younger woman: What do I look like, Miss Manners? You’ve been to my house…you know there’s still Easter candy out in my candy dishes. And until that goes, I’m not putting anything else out.
Older woman: Now I understand why your children are crazy.
Grocery Store
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
See– Blood! Haha! I Win!
Kid stopping to look at object on the ground: Look, glass!
Father: That’s a lolly.
Kid: No, it’s glass!
Father: It isn’t glass, it’s a lolly.
(kid picks up object and puts it in his mouth)
Kid: No, it’s glass.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Never found out what it was.
