How Can You Be Anal Enough to La­bel Your Speedos but Still Lose Them?

Voice over loud­speak­er: At­ten­tion mem­bers. Will Arthur Sark­sian come to the front desk? We found your Speedos.

24 Hour Fit­ness
Glen­dale, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: James Jame­son

…The Fifth Be­ing My Black­ber­ry.

Stu­dent sell­ing pink rib­bon bracelets: Pro­fes­sor, would you like to buy some bracelets? They’re for a good cause.
Pro­fes­sor: Sure, I’ll take five. One for each ap­pendage.

Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

All Those Slip-and-Fall Ac­ci­dents Are Smit­ings

Re­li­gion teacher to class of girls: And re­mem­ber girls, al­ways wear a biki­ni in the show­er, be­cause god is al­ways watch­ing you.

Dublin
Ire­land

Plas­tic Shoes with Holes in the Tops Make Much More Sense.

Girl #1, sift­ing through shirts on ta­ble: Oh my god, these v‑necks are so freak­ing cute.
Girl #2: Yeah…if this one did­n’t have sharks on it. If there’s one thing I hate is sharks. Who puts sharks on shirts nowa­days, any­way?

Ur­ban Out­fit­ters
San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Thanks, Pres­i­dent Oba­ma!

White hip­ster to oth­ers: I’ve no­ticed the black kids in Harlem are start­ing to wear skin­ny jeans and skate­board. It’s great… ’cause it’s, like, cool to be smart again.

Mass­a­chus­setts

Was­n’t This an Ala­nis Moris­sette Song?

Man walk­ing down the street: I or­dered a dress on­line and got a rain­coat.

Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: Lau­ra

Sounds Al­most As Cool As Our Job.

Woman on cell: I’m com­ing to LA to make 100 Egypt­ian army uni­forms, then I’m go­ing back.

In­ter­na­tion­al Air­port
El Pa­so, Texas

Over­heard by: V

But I Do Need to Pass His Class…

Ex­as­per­at­ed girl in the mid­dle of the street: I re­al­ly don’t feel like tak­ing my shirt off for this guy!

St. An­drews
Fife
Scot­land

Over­heard by: Ni­na

I Warned Him That Jump­ing While Dark Was a Felony in These Parts

Yup­pie: So then this guy jumped out wear­ing a ski mask and at first I laughed, but then I re­al­ized he was black!

Goshen, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: Dej

The Wine Will Re­veal Her True Self.

Fa­ther to young daugh­ter in de­part­ment store: I’m just go­ing to get her a bot­tle of wine since I don’t know what a coverup is.

Falls Church, Vir­ginia