A High Holy Day for Us Re­tail­ians

Girl #1: Well, to­day was­n’t a to­tal loss, I did find my out­fit for to­mor­row.
Girl #2: True. By the way, what’s to­mor­row?
Girl #1: Uh, Thurs­day. You mean like the date?
Girl #2: No, I mean: what’s the oc­ca­sion for the out­fit?
Girl #1: Oh, right! Thurs­day.

Dulles Town Cen­ter
Loudoun Coun­ty, Vir­ginia

If You Have Fur­ther In­ter­est, You Can Sign Up for My Pu­bic His­to­ry Class This Spring

Pro­fes­sor, dis­cussing an 18th cen­tu­ry paint­ing: Now, it is im­por­tant to re­mem­ber that at this time women did not wear panties. This is a beaver shot par ex­cel­lence!

San José State Uni­ver­si­ty
Cal­i­for­nia

And Pos­si­bly a Few Sex Hats

Girl to friend: I need some cute shirts that I can just throw on and like…jerk off in.

H&M
Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: XT

Gay Mar­riage Should Be Le­gal­ized Just for the Cer­e­monies

20-some­thing hot girl to friend: He tore off all his clothes, threw him on his back on the bar, then cov­ered his nip­ples in whipped cream.

Den­ver, Col­orado

That’s What I Got You Last Year

Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birth­day, ba­by? I can make it hap­pen, just tell me what you want!
Re­al­ly, re­al­ly drunk birth­day girl, point­ing at some­one else: I want in that guy’s pants!

Nor­folk, Vir­ginia

Why Do I Al­ways Got­ta Be the Bur­ri­to Hold­er?

Dude: Hold this bur­ri­to, I got­ta take my clothes off.

Chica­go, Illi­nois

It Needs Wa­ter­ing, If You Fol­low Me

Woman on phone: As long as she can wear it with­out show­ing her la­dy gar­den, then that’s fine by me.

Christchurch
New Zealand

Skin­ny Jeans Don’t Count, Roger.

Guy: Well, it all start­ed dur­ing the week that I was cross-dress­ing…

Leeds
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Paul

Why Peo­ple Hate Tequi­la in the Morn­ing, En­cap­su­lat­ed.

Drunk girl: Look! I have salt stains all over my pants. I’m a car.

Saint Joseph’s Uni­ver­si­ty
Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

That’s for Him to De­cide

New dad: Look! These clothes are cute. Oh, look at this dress!
New mum: You have a boy, not a girl!

De­part­ment Store
Mel­bourne
Aus­tralia