Even­tu­al­ly We Worked Out a Time­share Sit­u­a­tion

Girl: So this girl was like: “I want half your pants!”

Hazel­wood West High School
Floris­sant, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: Melis­sa

Judg­ing from the Testes Hang­ing Out of It

Hobo to tran­ny pros­ti­tute: You rockin’ that dress girl! You the man!

San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: claire

She Was Like, “Your Dad Re­al­ly En­joys Puttin’ on the Ritz, Hon­ey!”

20-some­thing girl to ta­ble of peo­ple: And I was like, “Whoa, mom–your nip­ples are like top hats!”

Kasey’s Tav­ern
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Sara

When Good Con­ver­sa­tions Go Bad

Aca­d­e­m­ic-type Ox­ford guy: You have such silky hair.
Amer­i­can girl: Thanks…
Aca­d­e­m­ic-type Ox­ford guy: You could weave a gar­ment out of it!

Ox­ford
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Cather­ine

You’re the Worst The­sis Ad­vi­sor Ever

Girl walk­ing through cam­pus: I can’t be­lieve you, I’m sit­ting in my liv­ing room in noth­ing but a tow­el, with mas­cara stream­ing down my face and you don’t even care!

George Ma­son Uni­ver­si­ty
Fair­fax, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: You sit on a throne of lies

How Can You Be Anal Enough to La­bel Your Speedos but Still Lose Them?

Voice over loud­speak­er: At­ten­tion mem­bers. Will Arthur Sark­sian come to the front desk? We found your Speedos.

24 Hour Fit­ness
Glen­dale, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: James Jame­son

…The Fifth Be­ing My Black­ber­ry.

Stu­dent sell­ing pink rib­bon bracelets: Pro­fes­sor, would you like to buy some bracelets? They’re for a good cause.
Pro­fes­sor: Sure, I’ll take five. One for each ap­pendage.

Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

All Those Slip-and-Fall Ac­ci­dents Are Smit­ings

Re­li­gion teacher to class of girls: And re­mem­ber girls, al­ways wear a biki­ni in the show­er, be­cause god is al­ways watch­ing you.

Dublin
Ire­land

Plas­tic Shoes with Holes in the Tops Make Much More Sense.

Girl #1, sift­ing through shirts on ta­ble: Oh my god, these v‑necks are so freak­ing cute.
Girl #2: Yeah…if this one did­n’t have sharks on it. If there’s one thing I hate is sharks. Who puts sharks on shirts nowa­days, any­way?

Ur­ban Out­fit­ters
San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Thanks, Pres­i­dent Oba­ma!

White hip­ster to oth­ers: I’ve no­ticed the black kids in Harlem are start­ing to wear skin­ny jeans and skate­board. It’s great… ’cause it’s, like, cool to be smart again.

Mass­a­chus­setts