Guy on cell: Don't expect it to be as great as the last time we were in Malibu, though. Unless you bring your funny hat.
The Coffee Bean
Los Angeles, California
Archive for the ‘Clothing’ Category
Why Undocumented Immigrant Surrogates Exist
Sloppily-dressed teen girl to another: Do you know how many new outfits I would have to buy to carry a baby around for nine months?
Sam Houston State University
Huntsville, Texas
They Don't Tell Me to Burn Things! I Swear!
Customer: Hi, I'd like to return these pants.
Store manager: Can I ask why?
Customer: The pants talk.
Store manager: (…)
Customer, frantically: I mean, they pop! They pop!
Burnsville, Minnesota
Overheard by: I had to return a pair of talking pants once too
Oh, Good, because That’s What I’m Getting Him
Old lady: You know how it’s Jake’s* birthday in a week or two? And you know how he likes black leather?
20-ish granddaughter, whispering: Grandma! You’re making him sound like a homosexual!
Old lady: Well, it’s not like I’m going to get him assless chaps.
Eagle Ridge Hospital
Coquitlam, Bristish Columbia
Canadia
…According to Miss Manners.
Girl #1: Oh, I like your jacket.
Girl #2: Thanks, it's not mine, Julie loaned it to me. Thank god she did, because she puked on mine.
Girl #1: Is that why she loaned it to you?
Girl #2: No, I didn't tell her she puked on mine. It's not really cool to bring up stuff people did when they were having a seizure.
Cork
Ireland
I’m Still Tasting Yesterday’s
Crazy bag lady: Can I have that shirt? I’m all dirty and nasty.
Young guy: No, I need this for work.
Crazy bag lady: Oh. Can I shit in your mouth?
Young guy: Um, no.
Washington, DC
To Stand Out from Your Husband’s Other Wives
Mother: That dress is cheap — cheap like the cigarette cartoons in my mother’s freezer.
Daughter: It’s prom. You’re supposed to look cheap.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Being a Gentleman Has to Be Its Own Reward
Man: Excuse me, but your skirt is caught on your bag and it's pulling your skirt all the way up.
Young woman (annoyed): Excuse me! Can't you see I'm on the fucking phone?!
Man: Fine then–walk around with your ass hanging out–see if I care.
Young woman (into her phone): Oh my god! Some guy just totally came up and told me that my ass is showing! (walks off with skirt still showing)
Airport
Sydney
Australia
…Mmm, Okay, Leave the Shirt Off.
Girl #1, watching attractive guy: Du-ude, check that out!
Girl #2: Oooh. Yummy! (notices friend shamelessly ogling)
Girl #1: Elizabeth!! Put his clothes back on!
Yale University
New Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: You Can Take Mine Instead
…As This 45-Minute Presentation Will Demonstrate.
Physicist: Elise has a quantum ass. It's either big or real big. Depending on what pants she wears.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: change