For Today's Lab, You Won't Need Partners

Teaching assistant to bunch of anatomy students: When in doubt, touch yourself!

Cleveland State University, Ohio

How to Come Out As Trans in One Easy Step

Teenage girl to another: You know what I really hate? When your balls sweat.

Glenfield College
Auckland
New Zealand

Overheard by: Kelly

Will It Make a Difference If He’s Guatemalan?

Chick: Just imagine — you go home and your mother has a hot Ecuadorian boy stashed in the back bedroom.

University of Tulsa
Tulsa, Oklahoma

…Any Questions?

English professor: Outer space is occupied by evil orientals.

Marymount University
Arlington, Virginia

Overheard by: Sarah Yvonne

Stop Referring to Freshmen That Way!

Professor: And these cultural anthropologists have discovered many different aspects of law in the countries they live in that differ to ours.
(pause)
Older student: Did you know that you can't own pygmies?

The Evergreen State College
Olympia, Washington

Overheard by: Katie

Dude, You’re Preaching to the Choir

Student: She thinks she’s so good. She was probably the only soprano in her high school, so she was automatically the best. Or maybe she went to a school for like, people with severe burns. She was the best in the burn victim ward.

Westminster Choir College
Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Gaby Young

Way to Step on My Gripping Tale, Britney

Girl #1: So I didn't go to your brother's house last night.
Guy: Oh, where'd you go?
Girl #1: I was in a car.
Guy: Oh.
Girl #1: Yeah, and they were all like, “Yeah! Whassup?”
Girl #2: I was in a car last night.

College of Charleston
Charleston, South Carolina

Overheard by: Tori

Now We Can't Even Keep Madonna

British theater professor: Well, you know Hong Kong used to belong to Britain. (angrily) Everything used to belong to Britain.

Theater Class, UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Chanimal

So I’ll Stay with Him Until I’m Skinny Enough to Do Better

Skinny sorostitute: Every time I see him he just makes me want to throw up.

Arizona State University
Arizona

Overheard by: Lindsay

I'm Not Sure I've Heard This Version Of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears”

Teenage boy: She said his bazooka was too big for her funhole.

High School
North Carolina

Overheard by: aWkWaRd