All I Said Was, “Stop Do­ing It in My Class”

Girl: Are you se­ri­ous­ly telling me how I should mas­tur­bate? When did you be­come a sex tyrant?

MIT
Cam­bridge, Mass­a­chu­setts

They Make “Ladies’ Weight” Guns, You Know

Drunk bim­bette: We’re s’­posed to be so la­dy­like… Why do girls have to be so ghet­to and stab each oth­er all the time?

York Uni­ver­si­ty
Toron­to, On­tario
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: A and A

For Peo­ple’s Pet Rocks.

Passer­by to friend (ex­cit­ed­ly): We should so sell bot­tled dirt!

KSU
Man­hat­tan, Kansas

Over­heard by: Nicole

You’re Not Sure What to Bite Off First

Chick to friend: I re­al­ly thought the choco­late Je­sus with the gi­ant dick would sell!

Mis­souri State Uni­ver­si­ty
Spring­field, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: Car­ri Jo

It’ll Pop Up Again in the Spring

Guy #1: Are you gonna get test­ed?
Guy #2: I think the Lau­ren thing pret­ty much takes care of it.
Guy #3: You should still get test­ed.
Guy #2: Yeeeah, but I don’t like get­ting blood tak­en from me and I don’t have any like, symp­toms, so…
Guy #3: Well, I haven’t seen your pe­nis.

Si­mon Fras­er Uni­ver­si­ty
British Co­lum­bia
Cana­dia

Which, Iron­i­cal­ly, Would Be a Good Ti­tle for a Coun­try Song

Black girl to white friends: Black peo­ple want to be coun­try, but we don’t want to lis­ten to the mu­sic.

Har­vard Yard
Cam­bridge, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: meems

When Sum­mer’s Eve Merged with The Learn­ing Chan­nel

Girl: Do you ever get the feel­ing we’re, like, re­lat­ed to mon­keys?

Bryn Mawr Col­lege
Penn­syl­va­nia

Or Who You Are, Re­al­ly

Stu­dent li­brar­i­an on cell: Hey…who is this? Bill from ar­chi­tec­ture? Well, yeah, I re­mem­ber writ­ing my name on your arm, but I like don’t re­mem­ber why.

Mu­sic Li­brary, Catholic Uni­ver­si­ty
Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: So much for qui­et in the li­brary…

Sen­tence Frag­ments Baaaad!

Pro­fes­sor: I want to please you… Not with goats, but with sen­tences.

Greek Class
UCLA, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: shep­herd

When Se­mes­ters and Trimesters Con­flict

Bleached blonde soror­i­ty chick: If she does­n’t abort it, we’re to­tal­ly throw­ing her a ba­by show­er!

Uni­ver­si­ty
Mid­west

Over­heard by: GDI