Girl #1: Tyra will never be as good as Oprah. The Tyra show just doesn’t have the credibility that the Oprah show has.
Girl #2: Well, Tyra does serious shows sometimes; like when Hilary Duff is on.
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Archive for the ‘Colleges & Universities’ Category
“Family Game Night” Has a Different Spin When Your Parents Are Psychologists
Chick: Yeah, he was just showing us random slides and told us to guess what they were. And there was this one slide — at first I thought it was Jesus and some chick, but on the next slide the dude was turning into a horse and I thought, ‘Jesus never did that!’ so I just put down ‘Man turning into a horse.’
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
… After I Broke in and Changed All Your Answers to “Masturbation”?
Student: Yeah, she said ‘good luck’ to me. [Friend rolls eyes and shakes head.] I know. It’s the University of Toronto — she doesn’t mean ‘good luck.’ What she really means is ‘I hope you choke on a toothpick and die so I can get your spot in the program.’
Friend, sighing: It really is a shame this school has to be so competitive… How’d you do on that last test?
University of Toronto
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: A+
We Will Now Test This Hypothesis Empirically
Student: Crack cocaine is the best thing since fried rice!
UC San Diego
San Diego, California
…Remember When We Used to Talk About Politics?
60-year-old man #1: Do you get the Disney channel?
60-year-old man #2: I sure do!
60-year-old man #1: Do you ever watch Kim Possible?
60-year-old man #2: It's my favorite show!
60-year-old man #1: No way! Me too!
60-year-old man #2, attempting to sing: Call me, beep me, if ya' wanna reach me!
60-year-old man #1: (silence)
60-year-old man #2: I like the naked rat.
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
Troy, New York
Overheard by: Bacon
My Heart Will Fucking Go On, Dudebro.
Jock #1: Yo! I've grown accustomed to your face!
Jock #2: Word!
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
With His Big Blue Ox
Drunk girl: St. Patrick's day is celebrating St. Patrick…who drove all the rats out of Germany.
University of Evansville
Evansville, Indiana
Overheard by: matt
That's Why Raccoons Wash Their Food First
Guy: When I went down on him, I realized he didn't shower.
Friend: Gross.
Guy: Yeah, I wasn't even gagging because of his dick, but because of his foul stench.
UC
Berkeley, California
As Well As a Yumminess Thing
Black girl on one side: We look like an Oreo!
White girl in middle (jokingly): Oh, is that a race thing?
Black girl on the other side: Yes.
Outside Harvard Medical School
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Pythagoras Is a Jealous God, People
Math teacher: If you fuck with numbers, you're fucking with god! And people get killed for that shit!
University of Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Tormented Math Student