Teacher: Sit the fuck down and stop acting like a bird!
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Archive for the ‘Colorado’ Category
Her Weight Gain Cowed the Electorate Into Submission
Mom to five-year-old: I don’t like Oprah Winfrey, because it’s her fault Obama is President.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: David Leech
So I’ll Vote for Him, Too.
Middle-aged male Wasp: I’m voting for Wil Armstrong.
Middle-aged female Wasp: Isn’t “Wil” only spelled with one l?
Middle-aged male Wasp: Uh, yeah.
Middle-aged female Wasp: That’s kinda gay.
Denver, Colorado
Gay Marriage Should Be Legalized Just for the Ceremonies
20-something hot girl to friend: He tore off all his clothes, threw him on his back on the bar, then covered his nipples in whipped cream.
Denver, Colorado
Let’s Just Say She’s in Shape
Dude: You have a sister, right?
Chick: Yeah.
Dude: Is she hot?
Chick: She’s 12 and shaped like a rectangle.
Dude: That doesn’t answer my question.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
We’ve Scheduled an Intervention for Saturday
Woman #1: So… How’s your daughter?
Woman #2: She’s growing up to be a New Yorker.
Trident Coffee Shop, 940 Pearl Street
Boulder, Colorado
Oh, Right: “I’m a Smoker Now.”
Guy #1: Dude, how do you blow smoke rings!
Guy #2 jokingly: It is the same as sucking dick.
Guy #1: Oh, okay! (blows smoke rings effortlessly)
Guy #2: Do you need to tell me something, man?
Hookah Bar
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Like I Said
Crazy old lady in bathrobe yelling to herself: Fuuuck you!
Drunk hobo: It’s all in your head, lady.
Crazy old lady: No, it’s not — it’s all in my asshole!
Boulder, Colorado
Translation: They Rejected Me
Loud man on cell: Harvard is the crusty nipple of liberalism.
Colorado University
Denver, Colorado
If the SATs Were Actually Useful for Life
Teacher: What word do you think would fit there?
Student: Uh… “clusterfuck”?
Denver, Colorado
