Oh, Right: “I’m a Smok­er Now.”

Guy #1: Dude, how do you blow smoke rings!
Guy #2 jok­ing­ly: It is the same as suck­ing dick.
Guy #1: Oh, okay! (blows smoke rings ef­fort­less­ly)
Guy #2: Do you need to tell me some­thing, man?

Hookah Bar
Col­orado Springs, Col­orado

Like I Said

Crazy old la­dy in bathrobe yelling to her­self: Fu­u­uck you!
Drunk hobo: It’s all in your head, la­dy.
Crazy old la­dy: No, it’s not — it’s all in my ass­hole!

Boul­der, Col­orado

Trans­la­tion: They Re­ject­ed Me

Loud man on cell: Har­vard is the crusty nip­ple of lib­er­al­ism.

Col­orado Uni­ver­si­ty
Den­ver, Col­orado

If the SATs Were Ac­tu­al­ly Use­ful for Life

Teacher: What word do you think would fit there?
Stu­dent: Uh… “clus­ter­fuck”?

Den­ver, Col­orado

I Hard­ly Touched My­self at All

Dude: Just be­cause I watched you out a win­dow for an hour does­n’t mean I’m creepy.

High School Class­room
En­gle­wood, Col­orado

So It’s Like­ly He’s Very Drunk.

Lit­tle girl: He’s drunk, I swear!
Teenage sis­ter: He’s not drunk, he’s a for­eign­er.

High­lands Ranch, Col­orado

Over­heard by: Ju­lia

Lat­er, They’d Vom­it Up Quar­ters

Drunk girl #1: I’m Wells Far­go!
Drunk girl #2: Re­al­ly? I’m Wells Far­go, too!
(they glee­ful­ly skip off to­geth­er)

Pearl St Mall
Boul­der, Col­orado

“Par­ties” In­volve Group Sex

Yup­pie blonde: So I told him, I was like, ‘Don’t call it a par­ty, you know? Just say you’re get­ting drunk!‘
Yup­pie brunette: Ex­act­ly.

24 Hour Fit­ness
Den­ver, Col­orado

Now I Know How the Earth Feels

Girl: It seems like every time I see you these days, you’re be­ing raped.
Guy: I know… And now I’m not even get­ting paid for it.

Uni­ver­si­ty of North­ern Col­orado

High School Cafe­te­ria Goes Up in Flames, Pop­u­la­tion Sci­en­tists Say, “Ex­cel­lent!”

Chick: Look, if you’re out sniper-ing ho­bos, it’s not as­sas­si­na­tion!
Boyfriend: Nope, it’s pop­u­la­tion con­trol.

High school cafe­te­ria
En­gle­wood, Col­orado