20-ish mom to man: So what? I mean, I’m miserable, and I still manage to be perky and upbeat…
Boston, Massachusetts
Archive for the ‘Comebacks’ Category
The Grocery Store Is to Me What Internet Porn Is to Your Father
Son: Mom, can we get something?
Mom: No.
Son: Can we get some Life Savers?
Mom: No.
(son walks over with five Hershey bars)
Son: These?
Mother: No. And if I bought them, I’d eat them all in front of you.
Rocky River, Ohio
Overheard by: Beanah
I Pay for the Ones That Come in the Mail
Guy #1: So, where do you meet girls?
Guy #2: You mean, at the strip club?
Guy #1: I mean the ones you don’t pay for.
Guy #2: At the strip club.
Skillman, New Jersey
…Learned That the Hard Way.
Girl: Oh my god, I love their deep-fried mac and cheese balls!
Boy: I got some fried mac and cheese balls for you.
Girl: Tommy, if you tried to dip your balls in a deep fryer, they would probably fall off.
Boy: No they wouldn’t.
Waiter, passing by quickly: Yes they would!
Cheesecake Factory
Kettering, Ohio
I Figure Since He Died for Me, I May As Well Give Him Something Nice to Look At
Man: I’m giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you’re concerned with your figure?
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Maggie
Who We Are As Kids Is Who We Are in Life
Friend #1: Do you remember when we were little and I used to show the neighbor’s boys my boobs so they’d give me candy? Bet you’re glad I stopped doing that!
Friend #2: What are you talking about? The only thing that’s changed is your form of payment! You just finished telling everyone not two minutes ago how last week you won $200 on amateur’s night when you went to the strip club with the guys!
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Further Evidence That Frat Boys Are Born, Not Made
Two-year-old: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy…
Mother, trying to talk to her friend: What?!
Two-year-old, thrusting pizza at her: Blow me!
Mom’s friend: Well, that’s one for the baby book.
Pizza Hut
Maryland
Instead, I’ll Discuss Your Pain With This Complete Stranger
Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn’t have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How’s your butt feel? Ha! I haven’t even told my friends about that yet!
Richmond, Virginia
You’re Lucky You Were Able to Kiss All My Anger Away
Guy #1: Dude… that joke went to far.
Guy #2: You know what was going too far, David*? Breaking into my house.
Bolingbrook High School
Bolingbrook, Illinois
Alanis Morissette Should Really Move on With Her Life
Angry girl shouting to her boyfriend hysterically: I can’t believe you’re ditching me, you will never, never, never find a girl like me in your entire fucking life again!
Boyfriend: That is the point.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Tadashi
