Old man in hospital bed, to family: I've said it once, and I'll say it again. Tigers are the sharks of the land!
Poughkeepsie, New York
Archive for the ‘Compare and contrast’ Category
Dude, You’re Preaching to the Choir
Student: She thinks she’s so good. She was probably the only soprano in her high school, so she was automatically the best. Or maybe she went to a school for like, people with severe burns. She was the best in the burn victim ward.
Westminster Choir College
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Gaby Young
Way to Step on My Gripping Tale, Britney
Girl #1: So I didn't go to your brother's house last night.
Guy: Oh, where'd you go?
Girl #1: I was in a car.
Guy: Oh.
Girl #1: Yeah, and they were all like, “Yeah! Whassup?”
Girl #2: I was in a car last night.
College of Charleston
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Tori
Still, It’s a Violation of the Standard Creepiness Rule for Dating Age Differences
20-something #1: Your boyfriend is 61, right?
20-something #2: My boyfriend is 60. Our father is 61.
Colorado
And This Money Isn’t Even Green!
Middle-aged American tourist woman: The rooms here have strange plugs, I simply cannot use my curling iron! This is outrageous… I want to see the manager immediately!
Hotel Restaurant
Munich
Germany
Overheard by: Dru
Why It’s Been Renamed the “K-Fed Isotope”
Professor: Carbon-14 is an unstable marriage. He’s putting cocaine up his nose while she’s working hard. It can’t last, you know. That’s expensive.
Berea College
Kentucky
So Don't Forget to Bring Your Bongs to the Final Exam
Professor: You can't look at a record and hear the music…unless you're really baked.
Decatur, Illinois
I'm Not Sure I've Heard This Version Of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears”
Teenage boy: She said his bazooka was too big for her funhole.
High School
North Carolina
Overheard by: aWkWaRd
Unless Our Government Reinstates the Draft
Philosophy professor: I can't say I would rather have M&Ms than strong feet.
SUNY Purchase
Purchase, New York
Overheard by: Seth
…So Just Let Me Trim the Ellen Haircut Already!
Annoyed teenage boy to girlfriend: You've got to understand that I'm never going to be Justin Bieber!
London
England
Overheard by: KK