Churchgoer to another: Did you fart? Something smells like buttermilk.
Methodist Church
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Nick
Archive for the ‘Compare and contrast’ Category
When It's Creamed Spinach Day, She Gets So Excited She Needs to Be Sedated
Girl passing two students eating: They have corn!
JC Bistro, George Mason University
Fairfax County, Virginia
Overheard by: Candice
Whiter? Is That Possible?
Girl: It's like Everybody Loves Raymond, but with white people.
Columbia, Maryland
Overheard by: Liz
But They Taste Like Country Crock
Nonchalant tween: My farts smell like I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!®
Moscow, Idaho
Overheard by: saturday morning
To Use a Completely Hypothetical Anecdote
Professor: Fluorine is to chlorine as chlorine is to Kool-Aid. If you inhale chlorine, it burns your nose–you inhale fluorine and it'll eat your face and look for your family.
San Diego State University
San Diego, California
…And I Drink Twelve Beers in Celebration
Drunk girl: Sometimes I think I'm an alcoholic, but then I watch Intervention and I realize I'm just a love machine.
Syracuse University, New York
Let's Ask the Jews to Be on Our Side, Though
Teen girl to friend: We could be like the next Hitler, but cooler!
Friend: Oooh, awesome!
Toronto
Canadia
A Rumor Which, Unfortunately, Will Stay in Vegas.
Guy in wife beater on phone: She said my dick was just too long.
Casino
Las Vegas, Nevada
But It Was a Planned Incarceration
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can’t believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you’re supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn’t! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!
Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa
Overheard by: Casey
Rather Than Someone Else's
Guy at the end of the very long line to men's room: Man, it's like the line to Space Mountain. Except when you get to the end you have your dick in your hand.
Festival of Ales
Worcester, Massachusetts