Teen girl to friend: I’m too sexy for my vulva.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Archive for the ‘Compare and contrast’ Category
Jamie Lee Curtis Can Be Cruel
Guy to friend: And then she said, “I am not even half the man she used to be.”
Oxford
England
Overheard by: Well, she WAS born in Germany
I Couldn’t Help It– I Kept Shining a Strobe Light on Him.
College girl to three friends, completely serious: Yeah, I guess his penis had epilepsy or something.
College Dining Hall
Pennsylvania
When College Early Admission Goes Too Far
Psychology professor, discussing babies: If this thing didn’t smile, it would be in the trash.
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey
The Episode Of MacGuyver I’d Pay to See
Weird lady getting her hair cut: The nail just wouldn’t stay down on my toe. So because it was all loose, junk kept getting in there. The doctor basically told me that junk would just keep getting in there.
Stylist: Wow!
(a minute later)
Weird lady getting her hair cut: If I could have one of those guys do my wedding, I’d be all like, “here’s a doily and a paper cup, see what you can do.“
Stylist: Yeah.
Weird lady getting her hair cut: I mean if you can’t have a bangin wedding in Puerto Rico, you might as well see what you can get from a doily and a paper cup here.
Stylist: Yeah.
Supercuts
Pennsylvania
You Know Somebody’s Playing “Magic: the Gathering”
Frazzled mother: At Michigan State they don’t even have parties. They’re not going to want you at a party. You are not going to a party. There is no chance.
Hopeful twelve-year-old boy: Oh, there’s a chance.
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Cameron
Me and My Cocaine Fork Will Be Just Fine
Girl: But I’m graduating soon, so I don’t need spoons anymore!
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Marijuana Wouldn’t Be Any Fun Without It.
History professor: In New York the exit signs are red. They’re like, “Fire! Get out!” In California the exit signs are green. They’re like, “Dude, if you wanna get out, cool. If you like fire, if that’s your thing, that’s okay, too.”
Aurora, Illinois
Being a Contestant on The Price Is Right? Really?
Morbidly obese man: It’s like when you go dumpster-diving and find a whole bedroom set.
Wal-Mart
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Andrea
…A Metaphor I Would Know Nothing About
Professor: The Government was spending money like a drunken sailor in a Tijuana whorehouse.
Macroeconomics Class
University of California
Overheard by: Econometrically Bored
