College student: That one answer is wrong. You put a nine instead of a six.
Professor: I was probably stoned at the time.
Sussex, New Jersey
Archive for the ‘Compare and contrast’ Category
I Hardly Touched Myself at All
Dude: Just because I watched you out a window for an hour doesn’t mean I’m creepy.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
She Was Like, “Your Dad Really Enjoys Puttin’ on the Ritz, Honey!”
20-something girl to table of people: And I was like, “Whoa, mom–your nipples are like top hats!”
Kasey’s Tavern
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sara
The Keebler Elves Say They Need the Yeast
Drunk girl to drunk friend: Unless you live in my vagina, you wouldn’t know!
Springfield, Illinois
Overheard by: Random Bar Guy
Well, I Got a Lap Dance in the Buffet Line
Girl one: Smell my face. Smell right here. Doesn’t it smell great? The stripper I got a lap dance from was wearing great perfume.
Girl two: It smells like pickles.
Toby Keith’s Restaurant
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: At least it doesn’t smell like tuna
Or Who You Are, Really
Student librarian on cell: Hey…who is this? Bill from architecture? Well, yeah, I remember writing my name on your arm, but I like don’t remember why.
Music Library, Catholic University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: So much for quiet in the library…
Or an Etch-a-Sketch Masterpiece.
Guy: So how’s it going with Tom?
Girl: Good. He’s stuck with me.
Guy: You’re like a virus.
Girl: No, I’m more like something good you can’t shake. Like a baby.
Derby, Connecticut
But, in the End, He Let Us Both Graduate
Hipster girl to guy: I got lucky. All I had to do was make out with him. (motions to other hipster girl standing beside them) She had to suck him off!
Atlanta, Georgia
Translation: Sex With You Isn’t Worth the Annoyance Of Your Company
Emo chick: So then she glared at me. In a mean way, not a happy way.
Normal looking boyfriend: I don’t think that word means what you think it means.
Emo chick: Huh?
Normal looking boyfriend: You know, I just don’t think this is going to work out.
Emo chick: Wait. You’re breaking up with me? Here? Why?
Normal looking boyfriend: Well, I wasn’t planning on it, but honey, you didn’t like Watchmen and you’ve never read or seen The Princess Bride. Clearly we’re just two very different people.
Flagstaff, Arizona
Overheard by: nayvera
Didn’t They Try That Defense in a Law & Order Episode?
College guy #1: I think racism is just really bad OCD!
College guy #2: Haha, yeah!
University of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
