…What’s Your The­sis Ad­vi­sor Like?

Guy, walk­ing an­gri­ly: She thinks that vam­pires evolved, so now they can be out in the sun like nor­mal peo­ple. She al­so thinks it’s de­grad­ing to have sex in any po­si­tion oth­er than mis­sion­ary, when she’s sober.

Uni­ver­si­ty of Delaware

Over­heard by: what???

Are You Still Up­set About My San­dals With Black Socks?

Dad: That’s an aw­ful­ly big brown­ie. You know it’s so big it’s a Girl Scout.
Daugh­ter: Si­lence.
Dad: Hey, this is fun­ny stuff from your dad.
(daugh­ter stares at him in si­lence)

Buf­fa­lo, New York

Over­heard by: Tim

And They Were Like, “Now We Can All Poke With­out Pass­ing Around Chlamy­dia!”

Girl: My friends are al­ways say­ing I need to make a Face­book page and I’m like, “Why? I talk to you a‑holes enough al­ready!”

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/416332366/so-you-can-send-me-gifts-you-spent-a-dollar-on.html

Over­heard by: sleep­ing on the job

I Don’t Want To Know What the “Bread” Was

Girl on cell: His thing…it was like a big lamb sand­wich!

http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/2008/07/we-call-it-beastilicious.html

Over­heard by: aaron

Now Who Wants Ice Cream?

Ad­min­is­tra­tor (mum­bling to her­self): Maybe I should just fire every­one here. (opens a draw­er) Oh, here’s my spoon. Okay, maybe every­one can keep their jobs.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/431193022/its-my-special-spoon.html

Over­heard by: spoon.

You Ex­pect­ed More from a Ston­er at Mc­Don­ald’s?

Ston­er #1: Do you have telekine­sis?
Ston­er #2: No, but I got call-wait­ing and that three-way call thing.

Mc­Don­ald’s
Es­con­di­do, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: DLo

When All Along I Was Thor, God Of Thun­der!

Pro­fes­sor: And you thought I was some geeky wanker, go­ing on about agri­cul­ture!

East­ern Michi­gan Uni­ver­si­ty

But, Like Gas, Less Ex­pen­sive If You Pump It Your­self

Girl #1: I can just ask Jay if I can bor­row his truck.
Girl #2: Do you ever give him gas mon­ey?
Girl #1: No, I give him sex.
Girl #2: But gas is ex­pen­sive…
Girl #1: And sex is ex­pen­sive if you have to pay for it.

North Bay
On­tario
Cana­dia

Oh, Right: “I’m a Smok­er Now.”

Guy #1: Dude, how do you blow smoke rings!
Guy #2 jok­ing­ly: It is the same as suck­ing dick.
Guy #1: Oh, okay! (blows smoke rings ef­fort­less­ly)
Guy #2: Do you need to tell me some­thing, man?

Hookah Bar
Col­orado Springs, Col­orado

Love­mak­ing Is Co­op­er­a­tive; Fuck­ing Is Com­pet­i­tive

Dude: She fucks like a di­vi­sion one ath­lete. I swear, I take three shots of whiskey be­fore I go to her place. I need to have the spins so I have any chance of last­ing.

Ten Stone
Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: john­ny