And That Was the Ex­tent of My “Birds and Bees” Talk

Mom hold­ing two toma­toes stuck to­geth­er: Look, toma­to twins!
Daugh­ter: Oh my god! I love them!
Mom: They look like balls! [Laughs] Boy balls! [Walks away].
Daugh­ter: Oh my god.

Co­lum­bia, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: Kelsey

And Did They Have to Name It “The Me­ow Clin­ic”?

20-some­thing woman #1: Oh look, it’s a hos­pi­tal for cats.
20-some­thing woman #2: Yeah, I know. Every time some­one goes in there, I judge them like, “ew, a cat per­son!”

Brook­line, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: Cat Per­son

I’m Still Not Hav­ing Your Ba­by, Cur­tis

Large black male stu­dent to tiny white fe­male stu­dent: Stretch marks are awe­some! They make you look like a tiger! (makes tiger claw ges­ture) Raaar!

High School
Lin­coln Park, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: The teacher

Is He Talk­ing About Vagi­na? Dis­cuss.

Lit­tle boy to moth­er: Mom­my, it smells like eat­ing wieners… right?

Wal­greens Park­ing Lot
Port Chester, New York

Over­heard by: Ldawg

The Thin Line Be­tween Martha Stew­art and MTV Back­up Dancers

Restau­rant serv­er on smoke break: How were the ladies at the bar?
Drunk man: Those bitch­es were hot. And I mean “bitch­es” in the best pos­si­ble way.
Serv­er: When I say “bitch­es,” I mean “hoes.”

Plano, Texas

But I Do Need to Pass His Class…

Ex­as­per­at­ed girl in the mid­dle of the street: I re­al­ly don’t feel like tak­ing my shirt off for this guy!

St. An­drews
Fife
Scot­land

Over­heard by: Ni­na

Main­te­nance: “When You Put an End to Nude Chair-Hock­ey, Then We’ll Talk”

Wor­ried suit: That’s why we get our chairs cleaned more than any oth­er de­part­ment. We get our chairs cleaned every three months. Why does­n’t any­one put a stop to this?

Metro Bus
Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

You’re Not Writ­ing Your Own Vows, Are You?

Per­son #1: What’s that movie with Tom Han­ks and the vol­ley­ball?
Per­son #2: Cast­away.
Per­son #1: Oh, I’m so bored… You’re like the vol­ley­ball to me. I don’t nec­es­sar­i­ly like you, but you’re there and I’m alone.

Guam

And at Least the New­port Jazz Fes­ti­val Is Over in Three Days

Guy in suit: I said, “It’s bet­ter than a Chi­nese prison, you should be used to it by now.”

Memo­r­i­al Union Bus Stop
Uni­ver­si­ty of Rhode Is­land, Kingston, Rhode Is­land

Over­heard by: Jo

I Warned Him That Jump­ing While Dark Was a Felony in These Parts

Yup­pie: So then this guy jumped out wear­ing a ski mask and at first I laughed, but then I re­al­ized he was black!

Goshen, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: Dej