So I Sleep with the Staff at Crunch in Ex­change for Mem­ber­ship

Girl #1: You’re a fat whore. Well…minus the fat part.
Girl #2: What­ev­er. I’d rather be a whore than fat.
Girl #3: I like your morals!

http://www.overheardatmcgill.com/archives/2007/07/14/if-by-morals-you-mean-breasts-then-thanks/

Over­heard by: Ian

Or at Least on the Pho­tos We’ll Be Pass­ing Out

Hot chick to an­oth­er: You look so good! Guys will be jerk­ing off on you tonight!

Valle­jo Street
San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: La­dle

Trans­la­tion: “Wel­come to New York, Mutha­fuck­aaaas.”

MTA work­er to tourist mom buy­ing tick­ets with daugh­ter: 10 dol­lars.
Mom: Oh, but she’s a stu­dent.
Work­er, look­ing at daugh­ter: Oh! How nice for you! (looks back at mom) Ten dol­lars please.

Sub­way Sta­tion
New York City, New York

Over­heard by: Glad thats not my cheap-ass mom

The Thin Line Be­tween Martha Stew­art and MTV Back­up Dancers

Restau­rant serv­er on smoke break: How were the ladies at the bar?
Drunk man: Those bitch­es were hot. And I mean “bitch­es” in the best pos­si­ble way.
Serv­er: When I say “bitch­es,” I mean “hoes.”

Plano, Texas

Like I Re­al­ly Need to Have Bet­ter Liter­cism?

Tween boy #1, car­ry­ing skate­board: So, I got clean­ing de­tail at school to­mor­row.
Tween boy #2: That does­n’t sound like some­thing I’d want to do.
Tween boy #1: No, man, it’s awe­some! You get out of lit­er­a­cy class!

Tuc­son, Ari­zona

Once He Walks Through JoAn­n’s Door, a Man Starts to Die

Girl­friend, hold­ing up scrap­book thing: Do you like this?
Boyfriend: Yeah, it’s nice.
Girl­friend: “It’s nice,” be­cause it’s nice, or “it’s nice,” so we can get the fuck out of here?

JoAnn Fab­rics and Crafts
Taco­ma, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: baker98391

So Maybe She Need­ed Out-of-This-World Sex

Guy on cell: Yeah, I hooked up with her. [pause] I fucked her. She was tight. [pause] She has­n’t called me back. I don’t get why it’s so hard to take five sec­onds out of your day to see how I’m do­ing. [pause] She’s, like, Asian. Half Asian and half alien.

Barnes & No­ble
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Hobo

And They’re the On­ly Place You Have Any Fat

Ob­vi­ous­ly skin­ny girl: Do you think I should get lipo?
Friend: No! There’s noth­ing wrong with your boobs.

Rochester, New York

Over­heard by: wow!!

And He Was All, “But I’m Just the Babysit­ter!”

La­dy to friend: So I told him… ten dol­lars for a hand job!
Friend: Good for you! What an ass­hole!

Ash­land & North Ave
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Some Peo­ple Just Look Bet­ter with Mis­shapen Skulls

Guy #1 (af­ter guy #2 leaves): Man, I hate him so much.
Girl: What? Why?
Guy #1: Ever since he fell out that win­dow and al­most died and shit, girls have been all over him. He’s a god­dam wom­an­iz­er.
Girl: He is pret­ty cute.

Hous­ton, Texas