Hot chick to another: You look so good! Guys will be jerking off on you tonight!
Vallejo Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Archive for the ‘Compliments’ Category
Translation: “Welcome to New York, Muthafuckaaaas.”
MTA worker to tourist mom buying tickets with daughter: 10 dollars.
Mom: Oh, but she’s a student.
Worker, looking at daughter: Oh! How nice for you! (looks back at mom) Ten dollars please.
Subway Station
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Glad thats not my cheap-ass mom
The Thin Line Between Martha Stewart and MTV Backup Dancers
Restaurant server on smoke break: How were the ladies at the bar?
Drunk man: Those bitches were hot. And I mean “bitches” in the best possible way.
Server: When I say “bitches,” I mean “hoes.”
Plano, Texas
Like I Really Need to Have Better Litercism?
Tween boy #1, carrying skateboard: So, I got cleaning detail at school tomorrow.
Tween boy #2: That doesn’t sound like something I’d want to do.
Tween boy #1: No, man, it’s awesome! You get out of literacy class!
Tucson, Arizona
Once He Walks Through JoAnn’s Door, a Man Starts to Die
Girlfriend, holding up scrapbook thing: Do you like this?
Boyfriend: Yeah, it’s nice.
Girlfriend: “It’s nice,” because it’s nice, or “it’s nice,” so we can get the fuck out of here?
JoAnn Fabrics and Crafts
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: baker98391
So Maybe She Needed Out-of-This-World Sex
Guy on cell: Yeah, I hooked up with her. [pause] I fucked her. She was tight. [pause] She hasn’t called me back. I don’t get why it’s so hard to take five seconds out of your day to see how I’m doing. [pause] She’s, like, Asian. Half Asian and half alien.
Barnes & Noble
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Hobo
And They’re the Only Place You Have Any Fat
Obviously skinny girl: Do you think I should get lipo?
Friend: No! There’s nothing wrong with your boobs.
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: wow!!
And He Was All, “But I’m Just the Babysitter!”
Lady to friend: So I told him… ten dollars for a hand job!
Friend: Good for you! What an asshole!
Ashland & North Ave
Chicago, Illinois
Some People Just Look Better with Misshapen Skulls
Guy #1 (after guy #2 leaves): Man, I hate him so much.
Girl: What? Why?
Guy #1: Ever since he fell out that window and almost died and shit, girls have been all over him. He’s a goddam womanizer.
Girl: He is pretty cute.
Houston, Texas
Ho Couture
Subway musician to friend: That’s great! Now if only there was a cum-stained dress!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Terry B
