Archive for the ‘Condoms’ Category

We Had No Idea What They Were, Either.

Short girl: So, what do you do with the pen cap condoms?
Much taller girl: Okay, you take them…and you throw them out.
Short girl: You don’t like…reuse them or something?
Much taller girl, smiling: Do you reuse normal condoms?
(short girl laughs)
Much taller girl, seriously: Don’t just wash those and reuse them.

Onteora HS
Boiceville, New York

Overheard by: Toasted

The Large Group Ones Are a Logistical Nightmare

Peer-taught health class leader: Small group condom practice! Wooot!

Eugene, Oregon

Overheard by: nyssa

It’s Even Worse in Chicago.

8th grade health teacher, answering why you can’t put a condom on when you’re not erect: So…um, when it’s not hard, it’s just like there, you know, flapping in the wind…

Silver Spring, Maryland

Overheard by: nice thought…

…Where No One Knows My Identity.

Guy to friends: I use condoms in town, but skeet out of town.

Nashville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Eve’s dropper

With Just a Hint Of Chlamydia

Drunken teenage girl, dancing down the street: I taste like fucking condoms!

Toronto, Canadia

She Also Found Fifty Cents, a Rubber Band, and a Playbill from Cats

(during a film in a movie theater)
Girl #1 (whispering): Ow, something’s itching me–I think there’s something in my bra. (gasps) Oh my god!
Girl #2: What is it!?
Girl #1: I just found a condom in my bra and I think it was from last night but I don’t remember putting it there!

Ontario
Canadia

Evidence That Sex and the City Would’ve Been a Lot More Interesting If It Had Involved Plus-Sized Sistahs

Plus-size sistah: And that damn condom came off!
Friend: Oh, shit, girl! What happened?
Plus-size sistah: I dunno. It’s still up in there.
Friend: What? How long?
Plus-size sistah: It’s been three days. I can’t reach that bitch!
Friend: Girl! That’s nasty! And if you askin’ what I think you askin’, you can forget it!

Restaurant, Chinatown
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Joe

By the End Of This Class, You’ll Be Able to Open Them With Your Penis

Peer-taught health class leader: Do not open condoms with a knife.

Eugene, Oregon

Overheard by: nyssa

Especially If, Instead of the G‑Spot, There Was a Little Plastic Prize

Guy: But I hate wearing condoms! I can’t feel anything. I might as well put my dick in a cereal box.
Girl: I think my vagina is a bit different from a cereal box.
Dude, excitedly: If your vagina had cereal in it, I’d eat you out all the time!

Davidson, North Carolina

…As Dear Abby Told You in That Column

Girl #1, throwing home pregnancy test into friend’s basket: Here, I think you need this.
Girl #2, throwing box of condoms into friend’s basket: Not as much as you need these, you slut.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Erica

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