Train conductor, to teenage girl with feet on chair: Can you read? (points to sign)
Teenage girl: What…? Oh, sorry. (takes her feet down, conductor walks away)
Suit: He would have never done that if you were a guy.
New Jersey Transit
Archive for the ‘Conductors’ Category
When You Work for the City, You Take What Fun You Can Get
India-Indian conductor: We will need to stand by in just a few minutes for some maintenance work. We’re having some problems with the brakes, and they will need to be checked… Actually, they’re really not working… At all. [Everyone exchanges looks when doors instantly close and train pulls out of station, rounding the next corner at high speed.]
Chicago El, Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Comforting words
At Least Let Me Tie You to the Roof-Rack
Girl stopped at a gas station refueling: Get out of my trunk now! People are going to think that I kidnapped you!
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: A Concerned Friend
Why Won’t You Live Down to My Expectations of You?
Cabbie: Hey, ever get the urge to just whip out your puppies for the driver?
Girl: Um, no. (several minutes later, while getting out) Cabbie whores!
Las Vegas, Nevada
When Rappers Moonlight.
Train driver: This train is being taken out of service. Brigham Circle will be the last stop for this train. Don’t hate the player, hate the game!
E Train
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: camille
One Of Your Editors Is Wearing a Cheers Sweatshirt– True Story.
Guy to cab driver: I just want to go where nobody knows my name.
Cab driver: You mean Cheers, “where everybody knows your name”?
Guy: No.
Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts
In and Out, In and Out, All Night Long
Conductor: Mind the gap, doors closing. (train does not move) Those naughty, naughty doors.
London
England
Overheard by: ren
Being American, in a Nutshell.
Conductor: Everybody please be patient, we have an obstruction on the tracks. Police are working to clear it, we will continue as soon as they finish.
Young suit: We’re in a 55-ton battering ram, why did we even stop?
MAX Rail
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Ram Das
…in Exchange for Cooking Lessons
Conductor: This train will terminate at Stratford. The next station is Waterloo. Please change here for the Bakerloo, Northern and Waterloo & City lines. Alternatively you can also change for Waterloo International, catch the next Eurostar, go to Paris and show the French how to play rugby.
London
England
Overheard by: kat
…We’ve Reached the Train Hub.
Conductor, over intercom: Rub-a-dub-dub!
Chicago, Illinois
