Lady, bumping into female cop in crowded elevator: Oh! Excuse me.
Female cop: Hey, if my boobs don't getcha, my ass will.
Justice Center
El Paso County, Colorado
Archive for the ‘Cops’ Category
…Without Being Swarmed by Seminarians
Australian tourist: God, it's so hot in here. I can't wait to get out of here and take these pants off.
Church security guard, overhearing: Yes… that is very difficult to do in a church.
Vatican City
Overheard by: LeBron
That's What You Said About the Guy Who Was Blowing You Yesterday
Policewoman: I seen you beggin'. You don't know that guy, but he gave you money.
Hobo: Sweetness, sweetness, listen. That's my brother.
Policewoman: You have a white brother?
Hobo: My brother in Christ.
Urbana, Illinois
I’m… Black?
Traffic cop: She said, “Do you like it?” and I was like, “Yeah, it looks really nice.” And then she said, “Is it subtle?” and I was like “Jenny*, you’re a black woman with orange and yellow hair!”
Plymouth, Michigan
Overheard by: Morgz
Aren't You Glad We Can All Joke About Mass Murder Like This?
Sweet-ass security guard: Miss, you're going to have to hang up your phone and run it through the machine.
20-something girl intern: But I'm not a terrorist, and I'm on an important call. Can't I just walk through?
Sweet-ass security guard: Miss, that would be like Timothy McVeigh driving up and asking “hey, can I park my car here?”
http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/08/insert-inappropriate-terrorism-joke.html
Overheard by: Ian
And the Republican National Convention Is No Exception
Cop: It’s not a party ’til the shirts come off.
Hilton Hotel
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Neon
Once You Have Kids, Santa Loses All Respect for You
Crazy, bearded old man: Have you seen Bobby lately?
Ohio state trooper: No. His wife just had a baby, so he’s on leave for a while.
Crazy, bearded old man: Well, the next time you see him, tell him Santa Claus says [blows a raspberry].
Goshen, Ohio
Overheard by: Michael
To Protect and Pass Out in a Puddle of His Own Vomit
Cop #1: C’mon, c’mon, admit it!
Cop #2: Fine! I wish I was on OxyContin right now, okay?!
San Rafael, California
Overheard by: Alex Silver
Why Law & Order Doesn't Take Place in San Francisco
Young Asian cop easing old Asian man out of police car: My first day on the beat and already I'm finding out about and busting illegal Mahjong parlors! I didn't know they existed!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McF
How Jessie Got Us Arrested
[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We’re all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you’re 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you’re 37 and looking for a boyfriend!
Madison, Wisconsin