Archive for the ‘Crazies’ Category

No­body Can Do Sex­u­al Ha­rass­ment Like the In­sane

Crazy bag la­dy, loud­ly: I don’t suck dick for pussy! I don’t suck dick for pussy! I don’t suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to an­oth­er pas­sen­ger on the sub­way)
Crazy bag la­dy, now in pas­sen­ger’s face: I don’t suck dick for pussy!
(fe­male pas­sen­ger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag la­dy: Why you jump­ing? Why you jump­ing, bitch!? You weren’t jumpin’ last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Fe­male pas­sen­ger: Ex­cuse me, ma’am, don’t say that to me! You don’t know me!
(sub­way train stops)
Con­duc­tor: City Hall sta­tion!
Fe­male pas­sen­ger: Ex­cuse me, sir, there’s a crazy la­dy on the sub­way ha­rass­ing the oth­er pas­sen­gers.
Con­duc­tor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(fe­male pas­sen­ger points to crazy woman yelling)
Con­duc­tor: Ma’am, are you both­er­ing peo­ple?
Crazy bag la­dy: Why you tryin’ to fuck me stand­ing up!? Why don’t you fuck me ly­ing down like a gen­tle­man!
Con­duc­tor: Ma’am, I’m call­ing the po­lice.

Broad Street Line Sub­way
Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

Like I Said

Crazy old la­dy in bathrobe yelling to her­self: Fu­u­uck you!
Drunk hobo: It’s all in your head, la­dy.
Crazy old la­dy: No, it’s not — it’s all in my ass­hole!

Boul­der, Col­orado

Got My Own Per­son­al Trail Of Tears Over Here

Crazy old white la­dy try­ing on wed­ding veil: So I al­ways won­dered why I did­n’t look good in these things…until 2004.
Dis­in­ter­est­ed cus­tomer: Oh?
Crazy old white la­dy: Yeah, then I found out I was part Na­tive Amer­i­can. At least 5%.
Dis­in­ter­est­ed cus­tomer (con­fused): Oh…?
Crazy, old white la­dy: Yeah. That’s why I don’t look good in veils. Cause we Na­tive Amer­i­cans don’t wear them.
Dis­in­ter­est­ed cus­tomer: I got mar­ried in a cour­t­house.
Crazy old white la­dy: I hate to say it since I am part white, but damn those white peo­ple!

Good­will
Al­toona, Penn­syl­va­nia