Man whispering into cell: But honey, I didn’t fuck her! I just came on her! … Hey, you want that Polynesian sauce they got here, right?
Chick-fil‑A, Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Man whispering into cell: But honey, I didn’t fuck her! I just came on her! … Hey, you want that Polynesian sauce they got here, right?
Chick-fil‑A, Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Drunk guy: Yeah, well, you could spunk on her face, then lick your jizz off her dreadlocks.
Pub
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Girl: I heard cum was high in protein, but it’s also high in calories.
Guy: Yes… It is also high in Vitamin D, iron, serotonin. Sadly, a woman’s body can hardly produce an equally useful food supplement.
Girl: … It produces babies!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Male wedding-goer to female wedding-goer: Oh, you guys work here? Excellent! My sister’s husband, oh, I mean my brother-in-law, sells semen. Bull semen.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/367412831/you-know-in-case-youre-in-the-market.html
Overheard by: best pick-up line ever
Man #1: You can fuck any part of the body if you have a sharp object close by.
Man #2: Just shut up and give me a beer.
Man #1: Seriously. Wouldn’t it be great if you were fucking someone’s ribs, and just as you came you punctured their lung, and with their last dying breath, it shot out their nose?
Man #2: Why are we friends?
Biddeford, Maine
Woman: I orgasmed here once.
Friend, cheerfully: Oh, I’ve done that several times!
James Brown Arena
Augusta, Georgia
Overheard by: Annissa
Greasy man, with greasy chick hanging on him: On the walls! Cum all over the windows! Cum cum cum, I loooove to cum!
Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Savannah and Alena
Loud 20-something girl: Ew! Oysters taste like cum!
Quiet, conservative-looking 20-something girl: No, they don’t! (immediately gets embarrassed and receives high fives from others at the table)
The Chimes
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Gym rat #1: Maybe I can just get a pocket pussy. I think they’re expensive, though. Unless I can find a used one online.
Gym rat #2: Awww, dude! Who the fuck would sell one of those used?! And why would you buy it?!
Gym rat #1: Why not?
Gym rat #2: Why would you buy something that some other dude came in?!
Gym rat #1: You fuck girls that other guys have cum in before, haven’t you? At least a pocket pussy can be put in the dishwasher. Sure beats some chick refusing to shower!
Planet Fitness
Dorchester, Massachusetts
20-year-old guy to his friend: So then I finally find my laptop in the dumpster, covered in semen, so that’s how that went.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Vanessa Duguay
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist