Father with two small sons dressed in Halloween costumes, walking into liquor store: Okay, guys, now pick out the kind of whiskey you want and go put it up on the counter.
Oshkosh, Wisconsin
Archive for the ‘Default’ Category
Sounds Like a Good Rule
Girl to friend: And then this guy, I can’t remember his name, he was like “hey, you want some cake?” But I’ve read his blog and he believes in creationism, so I was like “no, thanks.”
Christchurch
New Zealand
We Fear You Lack the Brainpower to Be an Effective Stripper
Teacher, explaining sign up sheet: So, where it says “What are your plans?” You need to just put something like “Doctor,” “lawyer,” etc.
Blonde in back, whispering to girl next to her: Girl, I’m putting down “stripper,” then all of my classes will be in the humanities building!
College Orientation
Washington State Community College
Both of Which Are Exceptions Under the Geneva Conventions
Girl: Erin’s beating people.
Security guard: You’re not really beating people, are you?
Erin: It’s my birthday. Besides, it was someone I know.
Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: girl in the front row
Chives Are the Respectable Republican Cloth Coat of Herbs
Customer: I’ll have a large hot chocolate, a chocolate glazed donut, and a plain bagel with smoked salmon cream cheese on the side.
Drive-thru grunt: What did you say for the cream cheese on the side?
Customer: Smoked salmon.
Drive-thru grunt: Oh, we don’t have that kind.
Customer: What kinds of cream cheese do you have?
Drive-thru grunt: We have chive. Chive is like smoked salmon.
Customer: Uh…yeah.
Bangor, Maine
Overheard by: just wanted a coffee
The Schoolhouse Rock That Was Too “Edgy” for the U.S.
Math teacher: Use the ratio test if you can expect to cancel out many many factors, like a happy schizophrenic child flailing his factor-canceling-crowbar.
Philippines
In the Recurrent Nightmare Of Christianity
Girl, at beginning of Jesus Christ Superstar: Are they going to kill Jesus?
Boyfriend: Well…yes, Sarah. That’s sort of how it works.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
And Not Even Fake Hipster Poor!
20-something guy: It’s a good thing it didn’t work out. She was poor.
Rock Climbing Gym
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: tangotravellers
Couldn’t Dad Wait ’til I Graduate?
Girl in North Face jacket and Uggs to clone friends: I mean, why couldn’t it have been a normal suicide? Like, this week? Really?
Penn State Library
University Park, Pennsylvania
Why Assless Chaps Exist
Physics professor, talking about static electricity: So why does it work when I’m sliding in a car with carpet seats wearing my wool sweater and not work when I’m sliding in a car with leather seats in my leather outfit?
Students: (shocked silence)
Professor: I mean…I don’t…ummmm, moving on…
University of Evansville
Evansville, Indiana
