Guy #1: Hey, cool! Harry Potter bookmarks! You think they have one for Hufflepuff?
Guy #2: Probably not.
Guy #1: Oh… Do you think it’s because nobody cares?
Borders
Tucson, Arizona
Guy #1: Hey, cool! Harry Potter bookmarks! You think they have one for Hufflepuff?
Guy #2: Probably not.
Guy #1: Oh… Do you think it’s because nobody cares?
Borders
Tucson, Arizona
Little girl #1 (holding a Patrick Star toy): Mommy, mommy! Can I get this?
Scary mom: No.
Little girl #1: Why?
Scary mom: Because last time we bought one of those was the day you had your seizure.
Little girl #1 (running around the store and flapping her arms): My seizure, my seizure!
Little girl #2 (also running and flapping): Your seizure, your seizure!
Kings Island, Ohio
Male student to girlfriend: Your body is uneven!
George Mason University
Fairfax County, Virginia
Girlfriend on packed, stopped train: I’m bored. Tell me a story.
Boyfriend: I remember the first time I saw you…you were crying…sitting outside the abortion clinic. I gave you my hankie.
Yellow Train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: entertained next to them
Guy #1, walking into beer garden: What does “drunk in public” mean exactly?
Guy #2: I think it’s kind of self-explanatory.
Columbia, Missouri
Punk girl: So we started fucking on a regular basis, right? And then I realized that I may actually like the guy!
University Campus
Austin, Texas
Girl to pizza delivery guy: So that’s a meat feast, a ham and pineapple, a chicken supreme, and a Margherita for Amy because she’s a lesbian.
Amy: I’m a vegetarian!
Sheffield
England
Girl #1: My uterus! Oh god, my uterus!
Girl #2: My god, the raptor is going into my uterus.
Dining Commons, UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Beth
Spoiled overtanned blonde: Oh my god, my ex just texted me to go fucking die. How do you spell “psycho?”
Philadelphia, Pennsyvania
Girl on phone: Yes, I know you love me, but I’m not going to keep coming to the house you share with your wife to give you blowjobs whenever you want! (pause) You need to find somewhere else for us to do it.
London
England
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist