Old man pushing shopping cart, singing happily to himself: Maybe I should get an 8‑million-dollar lawsuit against my own family!
Seattle, Washington
Archive for the ‘Default’ Category
When You Locate the Controls Of Your Spacecraft
Quirky lesbian professor leading class in Kegel exercises: And everybody squeeze, hold, hold…release and squeeze, two, three…release.
Ditzy Indian, after shiver spasm: It gives me the willies!
Quirky lesbian professor: It’s great, right!
Health Ed Class
Borough of Manhattan Community College, New York
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh at all the serious faces trying to hide these private exercises
I Hunger
Six-year-old boy to uncle about to leave for a trip: Bring me a woman!
Simi Valley, California
Which Also Explains the Peanut Butter Smears
College student: That one answer is wrong. You put a nine instead of a six.
Professor: I was probably stoned at the time.
Sussex, New Jersey
Thanks, Make-a-Wish Foundation!
Drunk girl in bar during Rose Bowl: It’s official–I’m going to be ovulating on my wedding day.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Double V
…Just by Slipping That Home Depot Catalog under Our Mattress
Soccer mom: I can’t believe I was able to convince my husband that I was gay.
Museum of Fine Arts
Boston, Massachusetts
That Doesn’t Involve My Grandma
Loud girl: Listen to me! I saw that hairy vagina! It was right in front of my face!
Loud guy: Can we please engage in a different conversation?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
They Finally Settled on the Nike Swish
Teenage guy to another: Didn’t they want to name their kid something weird, like “question mark?”
Brighton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: L‑Dawg
All I Said Was, “Stop Doing It in My Class”
Girl: Are you seriously telling me how I should masturbate? When did you become a sex tyrant?
MIT
Cambridge, Massachusetts
…Animal Cracker Coming Up
Kid: (burps loudly)
Mom: What was that?
Kid: I think it was a lion.
Little Leage Game
Ft. Worth, Texas
Overheard by: DeeDon
