Archive for the ‘Default’ Category

No Need to Get All Paulette Goddard on Me

Teenage girl: Mom, you have to buy me this book!
Mom: No, I don't, and I shan't.
Teenage girl: You what?
Mom: I shan't.
Teenage girl: “Shan't”?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: “Shan't”?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: “Shan't”?
Mom: Yes. Shan't.
Teenage girl: That's a word?
Mom: Yes.
Teenage girl: What's it mean?
Mom: It's a contraction of “shall not”, as in “I shan't buy you that book.”
Teenage girl: Ugh, fine! Enough shan'ting already!

Borders Bookstore
Olathe, Kansas

What With Finding the Area Under My Curve

Dorky calculus prof: And do you want to know why I am going to show you this problem again? Because I have six minutes to kill and if the department head stops by and sees that I let you out early…he is going to spank me! (class laughs) And that's entertainment I am not interested in! (six minutes pass and the prof assigns homework) I bet that spanking sounds awful great right now!

Miami University, Florida

Overheard by: bad mental picture

That Damn Third Commandment Always Trips Me Up

Good Catholic schoolboy to friend who just recited a really long prayer: Good job! You only missed one word. This one can be really hard and you almost got it perfect.
Bad Catholic schoolboy: God dammit! Jesus Christ, I'm never gonna get this bullshit memorized!

Goretti-Neumann High
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: lora