Archive for the ‘Drinking & drunks’ Category

Maybe Stop Voting Republican?

Guy: My mom hit my dad with a frying pan. He doesn’t have a cheek anymore. It’s been entirely restructured. She used to beat the shit out of him! It was so funny. But when he drunk – that’s when she’d get a beating.
Girl, sympathetically: Your family…
Guy: Oh, I love my family! I don’t know what I’d do without them!

Neptune City, New Jersey

I Guess We Could Try Smoking Them

Teen guy: Yeah, we got like, so wasted!
Teen girl #1: It was great, yeah. We got so high.
Teen girl #2: Where did you guys get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: What?
Teen girl #2: If you guys were getting high, where did you get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: That’s drunk. You get high off weed.
Teen girl #2: Oh. Okay. Then, where’d you get that?
Teen guy: My sister. She’s sixteen!
Teen girl #2: Can’t you get high off books?
Teen guy: What?
Teen girl #2: Cause, can’t, like…books get you high?
Teen girl #1: What?

Library
East Vancouver, BC
Canadia

Would You Say It While Brandishing a Riding Crop?

35-year-old man: Do you know what I did for you? I left my home, my wife. I cheated because I was cheated on, I know what that’s like. You’re turning 30, you need a man, what’s a woman at 30? You’re alone!
28-year-old woman: You’re having a midlife crisis. Women don’t get those. I’m there for you, like, “you should stop at three drinks because you’re a terrible drunk.“
35-year-old man: You’d do that for me?

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Matt

One Day I’ll Graduate to a Shot Of Tequila and a Strip Of Duct Tape

California blonde: Ohmigod, I wonder what their waxing is like in France?
California brunette: I dunno… I once waxed it all off, though.
California blonde: Really? How? I’ve only waxed my bikini line.
California brunette: I’d just had three glasses of wine and one of those waxing pots, because my dad’s a hairdresser.

Paris
France

Overheard by: Freedom Waxing!