Girl: But I’m graduating soon, so I don’t need spoons anymore!
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Archive for the ‘Druggies’ Category
On the Plus Side, You Always Had Somewhere to Hang Your Coat
Druggie talking about Italy: There were dicks coming out the walls everywhere!
Maine
Overheard by: abbitt the rabbitt
The Twinkie Defense Never Works.
College burnout: It has a soft and creamy center!
Friend, looking at computer: I still don’t like him.
Thibodaux, Louisiana
Overheard by: Batpam
…So He Could Cut Up His Coke.
Confused junkie: There were these two Jewish guys called Gold and Frankenstein, and they gave Jesus a mirror.
Box Hill Central
Melbourne
Australia
Called Him Jonah
Crackhead lady: I was raised on McDonald’s hamburgers until one day I puked up a fish!
McDonald’s
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Sometimes Your Editors Feel Like We’re Fixin’ to Die
Stoner girl to stoner guy: Vietnam was a war, not a country!
Sacramento, California
My Dad Wants to See Me ASAP
30-something druggie girl: I know my dad’s looking down at me, helping me and shit. That’s how I got my handbag back.
30-something druggie guy: Yeah? For fuckin serious?
30-something druggie girl: Yeah! I feel like he’s telling me shit sometimes. Sometimes I reckon he wants me to stop taking the pills and the smack, but then I’m like, “Nah, that’s just the drugs talking.”
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: XPIOTOS
We Take It Ourselves
Meth user: Am I too late to get my methadone?
Young pharmacist: Yes. After five p.m. we dump all the methadone down the drain.
Meth user, very nervous: Are you kidding?!
Young pharmacist, laughing: Yes, I am.
Fort Erie, Ontario
Canadia
Haven’t We Established That It’s 42?
Dopey girl: I once figured out the secret of life.
Friend: Really? What?
Dopey girl: You see, that’s the problem.
Friend: What do you mean?
Dopey girl: I forgot it.
Friend: Well, that sucks.
Dopey girl: Yeah. I would’ve made a lot of money off of that too.
Friend: Well, if it comes back to you…
Dopey girl: Oh–don’t worry. You’ll be the first to know.
Running Track
Loganville, Georgia
A Stimulant for Me, a Depressant for Them
Girl #1: What kind of drugs were you on?
Girl #2: I wasn’t on drugs!
Girl #1: What kind of drugs do you want to be on?
Girl #2: What kind of drugs do you have?
Girl #1: I have the morning after pill.
Girl #2: That’s not a drug.
Girl #1: Yes it is, it kills babies.
Escondido, California
