Drunk woman: … And that’s how my parents hooked up! My dad was a drunk dialer!
Outside George’s
Waco, Texas
Archive for the ‘Drunks’ Category
We Fear for Our Submitter's Health
Very drunk 20-something guy: Honestly, I get a pulse in my dick when I talk to you. I'm going to fuck you tonight.
Rough-looking chain smoking 50-something woman: Oh yeah?
Very drunk 20-something guy: I'm so hard right now… Have a feel.
Rough-looking chain smoking 50-something woman, grabbing hold of his crotch: You're totally flaccid.
(very drunk 20-something bursts into hysterical laughter)
Nightclub
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Garfield Would Do Pretty Much Anything for Lasagna
Slightly drunk chick, peering into drink: I think my cat is gay.
Really drunk friend: Hey, heyyyy…
Slightly drunk chick: Or maybe he's just a slut.
The Backdoor
Louisville, Kentucky
And Why’s Her Brother Waving Happily from the Pool?
Drunk girl: Hey. Hey! Everyone be quiet for a second — I want to make a toast. I just want to remind everyone why we’re here, and that’s because my brother finally shit successfully.
Drunk guy: What the fuck did she just say?
House party
Holbrook, New York
Overheard by: pc
…And I Drink Twelve Beers in Celebration
Drunk girl: Sometimes I think I'm an alcoholic, but then I watch Intervention and I realize I'm just a love machine.
Syracuse University, New York
… Other Than My Anti-Semitism and Her Brutal Rape
Drunk girl #1: I can’t date him — he’s a vegetarian. You can’t trust vegetarians.
Drunk girl #2: You’re just saying that ’cause that vegetarian guy you dated last semester raped you. He was also Jewish. You should hate the Jews — you’d have more company! [Drunk girl #1 leaves, upset.] I don’t know what her problem is.
Georgetown
Washington, DC
Some of the Time You’re My Favorite Fuck
Drunk girl: ‘Fuck’ is my favorite word!
Sober boyfriend, laughing: ‘Fuck’ is not your favorite word. ‘Fuck’ is your favorite word some of the time.
Drunk girl: ‘Some of the time’ is my favorite word! [Falls over.]
Dorm room
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: My Favorite Word Too
The Best I Can Do Is Some Croutons and a Spanking
Drunk girl: I hope I get my ass kicked for eating this salad!
Houston, Texas
It Was, Like, a Religious Experience
Very drunk girl, loudly and excitedly: That was the longest pee I ever did! Like seriously, I went into the bathroom and started peeing. Gavin came in, washed his hands, then left, and I was still peeing!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Mandy
No Wonder Girls Dream About This Their Whole Lives!
Man, indicating the used wedding dress he's wearing: This was the best $35 I've ever spent. I mean, I could have spent it on Jägermeister!
Old Railroad Square
Santa Rosa, California