Tipsy guy to girl beside him: What are you doing later?
Girl: Going home to Scotchgard my bathrobe.
Duke & Duchess Bar
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Cooper Street Relic
Archive for the ‘Drunks’ Category
Left Mammary in the Corner Pocket
Drunk watching a pool game: You’re a retard!
Girl playing pool: I’m a retard? I’m not the one with chalk on my nipples!
Kansas
I Didn’t Expect the Irish to Be Such Pussies
Coworker: Where were you? You were meant to be in work at 7!
Drunk Slovakian guy arriving at work: I drank Jack Daniels until 5 this morning, then went to bed. I woke at nine and fucked Jane, then got my brother to drop me off at work.
Craigavon
Northern Ireland
That’s What I Got You Last Year
Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birthday, baby? I can make it happen, just tell me what you want!
Really, really drunk birthday girl, pointing at someone else: I want in that guy’s pants!
Norfolk, Virginia
Why People Hate Tequila in the Morning, Encapsulated.
Drunk girl: Look! I have salt stains all over my pants. I’m a car.
Saint Joseph’s University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
The Blowjob Bunny Makes Her Rounds
Drunk chick: Look, this is going to take five seconds. I just want to say hi, suck him off, and then we can leave.
http://greenoverheard.blogspot.com/2006/02/what-happened-to-shaking-hands.html
Overheard by:
Let’s Keep Doing Shots Until It Does
Drunk girl: Oh my god, how can you be wearing a t‑shirt right now? It’s so cold outside!
Bouncer: I love the cold. In fact, I have the air conditioning on in my apartment right now.
Drunk girl: Wow, so, what are you? Like, from Florida or something?
Bouncer: No… That doesn’t make any sense.
Washington Street
Brighton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Patron
Her Shirt Says “Jesus Is My Homeboy”
Fat drunk guy: I really like your shirt. It’s very intellectual.
Girl: Uh, thanks.
Fat drunk guy: I mean, I’m in college, I like to think deep, you know? I want to make films. Deep films.
Girl: Yeah, that’ll be cool.
Fat drunk guy: How old are you?
Girl: I’m 16.
Fat drunk guy: Oh, I’m 18. Well…I mean, I’m 23.
Shreveport, Louisiana
Overheard by: Elle
Thanks, Make-a-Wish Foundation!
Drunk girl in bar during Rose Bowl: It’s official–I’m going to be ovulating on my wedding day.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Double V
They Make “Ladies’ Weight” Guns, You Know
Drunk bimbette: We’re s’posed to be so ladylike… Why do girls have to be so ghetto and stab each other all the time?
York University
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: A and A
