Archive for the ‘Employees’ Category

No­body Can Do Sex­u­al Ha­rass­ment Like the In­sane

Crazy bag la­dy, loud­ly: I don’t suck dick for pussy! I don’t suck dick for pussy! I don’t suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to an­oth­er pas­sen­ger on the sub­way)
Crazy bag la­dy, now in pas­sen­ger’s face: I don’t suck dick for pussy!
(fe­male pas­sen­ger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag la­dy: Why you jump­ing? Why you jump­ing, bitch!? You weren’t jumpin’ last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Fe­male pas­sen­ger: Ex­cuse me, ma’am, don’t say that to me! You don’t know me!
(sub­way train stops)
Con­duc­tor: City Hall sta­tion!
Fe­male pas­sen­ger: Ex­cuse me, sir, there’s a crazy la­dy on the sub­way ha­rass­ing the oth­er pas­sen­gers.
Con­duc­tor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(fe­male pas­sen­ger points to crazy woman yelling)
Con­duc­tor: Ma’am, are you both­er­ing peo­ple?
Crazy bag la­dy: Why you tryin’ to fuck me stand­ing up!? Why don’t you fuck me ly­ing down like a gen­tle­man!
Con­duc­tor: Ma’am, I’m call­ing the po­lice.

Broad Street Line Sub­way
Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

And I’m Wash­ing It Down with Lax­a­tives!

Mod­el scout, hand­ing out card to hot tall teen: I know you’re prob­a­bly mod­el­ing al­ready, but take my card any­way.
Short­er teen girl to friend, af­ter scout has left: Fuck you. The on­ly rea­son he gave you his card in­stead of me was be­cause I’m eat­ing a cook­ie. But it’s the on­ly thing I’ve had to eat to­day!

Star­bucks
Stu­dio City, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Urz

You Mean, Like, Jer­sey Shore?

Ma­rine with no game to clear­ly un­in­ter­est­ed sales clerk: And we marines say “sem­per fi” to each oth­er, do you know what that means?
Sales girl: Yeah, it…
Ma­rine, in­ter­rupt­ing: It means “al­ways faith­ful.” It’s like Russ­ian or some shit… No. Maybe Ital­ian… Yeah, it’s Ital­ian.

Mall
Birm­ing­ham, Al­aba­ma

You’d Think There’d Be a Train

Cana­di­an girl #1 to tour op­er­a­tor: Where can we do tours of Auschwitz?
Tour op­er­a­tor: Um, well, Auschwitz is in Poland, so…
Cana­di­an girl #2: No, but we mean the one the Ger­mans set up for the war. The Ger­man one.
Tour op­er­a­tor: Yes, I un­der­stand, but they set it up in Poland.
Cana­di­an girl #1, af­ter pause: Are you sure? We came to Berlin just to see it.

Berlin
Ger­many

Over­heard by: Jit

But Here’s a Coupon for a Com­pli­men­ta­ry Cav­i­ty Search

Irate moth­er: No, you don’t un­der­stand. I need to board that plane now!
Stew­ardess at gate: Ma’m, you can­not board now. There is no air­plane at the end of the jet­way. Look–no plane out there.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/473032304/i‑bet-a-lot-of-people-dont-understand-that-woman.html

Over­heard by: de­layed flights al­ways make me ir­ra­tional too