Your Ed­i­tors Are Not Proud Of Hav­ing Seen This

Con­fused-sound­ing girl on cell: I could fit an or­ange in my vagi­na?

Leam­ing­ton Spa
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Bleep

Skin­ny Jeans Don’t Count, Roger.

Guy: Well, it all start­ed dur­ing the week that I was cross-dress­ing…

Leeds
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Paul

…When They Ask Why We Can’t Have Lunch with Them?

Girl: So we’re telling them gen­i­tal warts, then?

De­von
Eng­land

And She Makes an Ex­cel­lent Pa­per­weight

20-some­thing blonde: It’s just…she can’t talk, all she does is scream and cry. She’s not even a re­al per­son yet. I just don’t un­der­stand how you can love her so much!
Red­head, lov­ing­ly cradling ba­by: Shit, hon, you have to stop say­ing things like that. She’s your daugh­ter!

Café Nero
Lon­don
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Nit

I Can Hear You All Blink­ing

Boy to gig­gling girl #1: I like your eye­lash­es, they’re re­al­ly long.
(jeal­ous si­lence)
Gig­gling girl #2: The rest of us have eye­lash­es too!

Twick­en­ham
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Bec­ca

He’s a Hard Work­er, and You Don’t Have to Pay Him Scale

Leather-clad guy to an­oth­er: I’ll lend you my igua­na. It’ll save you mon­ey.

Sheffield
Eng­land

Over­heard by: chris

When Good Con­ver­sa­tions Go Bad

Aca­d­e­m­ic-type Ox­ford guy: You have such silky hair.
Amer­i­can girl: Thanks…
Aca­d­e­m­ic-type Ox­ford guy: You could weave a gar­ment out of it!

Ox­ford
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Cather­ine

Is It Too Late to Change Our Minds?

Lec­tur­er: If I’d giv­en you gin in­stead of phonol­o­gy, no doubt you’d all be sit­ting clos­er to­geth­er.

Man­ches­ter Uni­ver­si­ty
UK

Over­heard by: Fer­di­nand

Be­sides, It’s Been Done to Death

Girl: I’m not sure if I can be both­ered dy­ing.

Lon­don
Eng­land

Nine Months Lat­er, I Had You.

Stu­dent: So then I turned round and there was a snake in my ba­con!

Birch­wood Com­mu­ni­ty High School
War­ring­ton
Eng­land