Archive for the ‘England’ Category

Just Your Country

Charity guy: Hello there. I’m Australian, and I’m giving out free hugs.
Girl: Okay then [hugs him].
Charity guy: What about your friends here?
Girl: Oh, they’re German. They don’t want hugs.

Redhill
Surrey
England

Just As Long As It's Hot, Steamy Coffee, Okay?

20-something girl, skipping over to expensive jewelery shop window: Ooooh! Sparkly things!
20-something guy: Fuck.
20-something girl, eyes shining with delight: Oh… Look at the rings… They're beautiful! (sighs)
20-something guy: No.
20-something girl: Look at that one! It's cheap!
20-something guy: It's £450!
20-something girl: You just got paid! Oh, look! That one's even prettier and sparklier!
20-something guy: Granted… But there's also no price tag… So it's probably gonna be £1,000 at least.
20-something girl, resignedly: Yeah. (perks up) But you're my friend… (pleading voice) Buy me a ring… Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssse!
20-something guy: Look, for a £1,000 ring I'm going to expect at least a couple of shags.
20-something girl: True. Oh, well. Let's go get coffee. (skips off)

Burlington Arcade
London
England

Overheard by: Bleep

We Fear for Our Submitter's Health

Very drunk 20-something guy: Honestly, I get a pulse in my dick when I talk to you. I'm going to fuck you tonight.
Rough-looking chain smoking 50-something woman: Oh yeah?
Very drunk 20-something guy: I'm so hard right now… Have a feel.
Rough-looking chain smoking 50-something woman, grabbing hold of his crotch: You're totally flaccid.
(very drunk 20-something bursts into hysterical laughter)

Nightclub
Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

What Passes for Raucous Wit, in Britain

Lady on loudspeaker: The train on platform 3 is going to Edgeware Road. The train on platform 4 is for Embankment Station. District Line services are not running between Embankment and Whitechapel. Platform 3 is for Edgeware Road, platform 4 is for Embankment. If you are still on this platform after these trains leave, you are lost and confused and need to find a member of staff.

Earl's Court Station
London
England