Archive for the ‘England’ Category

Ten Bucks Says She’s Fuck­ing Oth­er Guys on It.

Shaven-head­ed guy #1, while piss­ing: So she says to me, “can you take out the rub­bish?” I said no. Then she asked me, “can you change the cat lit­ter?” I said no. Then she asked me, “can you fix the back door..?“
Shaven-head­ed guy #2, while piss­ing: And you said no?
Shaven-head­ed guy #1: Yeah. Any­way, so for Valen­tine’s Day she gets me a ping pong ta­ble. I did­n’t get her any­thing. And now I won’t let her use the ping pong ta­ble.
Shaven-head­ed guy #2: You’re the fuck­ing man, mate!

Leam­ing­ton Spa
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Bleep

We Fear for Our Sub­mit­ter’s Health

Very drunk 20-some­thing guy: Hon­est­ly, I get a pulse in my dick when I talk to you. I’m go­ing to fuck you tonight.
Rough-look­ing chain smok­ing 50-some­thing woman: Oh yeah?
Very drunk 20-some­thing guy: I’m so hard right now… Have a feel.
Rough-look­ing chain smok­ing 50-some­thing woman, grab­bing hold of his crotch: You’re to­tal­ly flac­cid.
(very drunk 20-some­thing bursts in­to hys­ter­i­cal laugh­ter)

Night­club
Leam­ing­ton Spa
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Bleep

Paul Mc­Cart­ney and Heather Mills Ham­mer Out a Pay­ment Plan

Girl: So if you won £100,000,000 on the lot­tery what would you do?
Guy: Set­tle some scores. There’d be a few guys from school who’d be go­ing to work one day and sud­den­ly find them­selves be­ing bun­dled in­to the back of a van with a black bag over their head.
Girl: Then flown out over the north At­lantic, tied up, thrown out of the plane?
Guy: I like the way you think. We should have kids.
Girl: Nah, to get in­to my pants you’ll need to do bet­ter than that. £2,000 of jew­el­ery would do it. (cack­les hys­ter­i­cal­ly)

Lon­don
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Bleep