That Does­n’t In­volve My Grand­ma

Loud girl: Lis­ten to me! I saw that hairy vagi­na! It was right in front of my face!
Loud guy: Can we please en­gage in a dif­fer­ent con­ver­sa­tion?

Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

…An­i­mal Crack­er Com­ing Up

Kid: (burps loud­ly)
Mom: What was that?
Kid: I think it was a li­on.

Lit­tle Leage Game
Ft. Worth, Texas

Over­heard by: Dee­Don

You’re the Worst The­sis Ad­vi­sor Ever

Girl walk­ing through cam­pus: I can’t be­lieve you, I’m sit­ting in my liv­ing room in noth­ing but a tow­el, with mas­cara stream­ing down my face and you don’t even care!

George Ma­son Uni­ver­si­ty
Fair­fax, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: You sit on a throne of lies

Weren’t We Fenc­ing?

30-some­thing male drunk: You’re not my moth­er!
20-some­thing fe­male drunk: I’m not your moth­er. I’m just telling you that it’s not okay to grunt and lunge at peo­ple.

Paci­fi­ca, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Slight­ly

Drug­ging Miss Daisy

Old white la­dy, leav­ing ta­ble with a flour­ish: Now, if you’ll ex­cuse me, I’m go­ing to the bath­room to shoot up.

Lemon­grass
Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

Over­heard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food

A+

Male art stu­dent in re­sponse to fe­male art stu­den­t’s sculp­ture: It’s re­al­ly kind of mor­ti­fy­ing­ly vagi­nal.

Al­leghe­ny Col­lege
Meadville Penn­syl­va­nia

But Take This Cream, to Be on the Safe Side

Girl: Hey, Lamar!
Guy: Oh, hey!
Girl: How you been? You been sick?
Guy: Nah… healthy.
Girl: Oh… see ya!

Bowl­ing Green State Uni­ver­si­ty
Bowl­ing Green, Ohio

Over­heard by: Alex

Hey, You Try to Ne­go­ti­ate the Aisles While Ap­ply­ing Eye­lin­er

Fe­male flight at­ten­dant (man­ag­ing to bump bev­er­age cart in­to a seat): Whoops, sor­ry! Woman dri­ver!

Flight over Hon­olu­lu, Hawaii

Over­heard by: Ga­by Young

They Are Cur­rent­ly in Place

Well-dressed man to fe­male com­pan­ion, in crowd­ed tast­ing room: Did you re­mem­ber the dil­do?
El­e­gant la­dy com­pan­ion: Yes, I brought both of them.

Na­pa Val­ley wine Auc­tion
St. He­le­na, Cal­i­for­nia

But the Make-a-Wish Peo­ple Laughed at Me

Drunk guy to two girls: No, re­al­ly! My ul­ti­mate fan­ta­sy is to have sex with a ridicu­lous­ly hot girl while you two are on the fu­ton eat­ing chee­tos!

Aburn Uni­ver­si­ty
Auburn, Al­aba­ma