The Gospel Rap Song That’s Sweep­ing the Charts

(group bows heads and man be­gins to pray)
Girl (just re­al­iz­ing prayer has start­ed): Oh! Holy shit! We’re pray­ing?!

Shawnee Mis­sion Park
Shawnee, Kansas

And But­ton Up Your Pants, Sweet­ie

Lit­tle girl: I love you, pole.
[She kiss­es the pole.]
Fa­ther: Don’t kiss the pole! Keep it rat­ed G!

Out­side a Dim Sum Shop
Alame­da, Cal­i­for­nia

Those Poopy­heads Have Al­ready Ex­haust­ed Their Five Min­utes of Fame

Col­lege girl: There, I’ve be­lit­tled and in­sult­ed The View with­out us­ing the word “bitch” or the c‑word.

Stu­dent Cen­ter, Mont­clair State Uni­ver­si­ty
New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: …and that it­self is a feat

Why Will’s Par­ents Sent Him to His Aun­tie and Un­cle in Bel Air

Girl: Jazmin*, what was you do­ing in the bath­room?
Jazmin: Oh, you know…
Boy across the hall: She was tak­ing a dump!
Jazmin: Yup! That’s what we do all day, every day.

Pub­lic High School
Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: an­drom­e­da

…Pe­ri­od.

Girl to friend: All you have to do is say some­thing about men­stru­a­tion and every man with­in earshot be­comes un­com­fort­able.

Michi­gan State Uni­ver­si­ty

So I Just Raised One Ey­brow and Smiled at Her

Guy on cell: And I want­ed to say, es­sen­tial­ly, “Bitch, my of­fice man­ages eight bil­lion a year, so shut the fuck up”–but in the re­fined and en­light­ened way one would say such a thing in the coun­try club din­ing room.

San­ta Rosa, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

That Does­n’t In­volve My Grand­ma

Loud girl: Lis­ten to me! I saw that hairy vagi­na! It was right in front of my face!
Loud guy: Can we please en­gage in a dif­fer­ent con­ver­sa­tion?

Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

…An­i­mal Crack­er Com­ing Up

Kid: (burps loud­ly)
Mom: What was that?
Kid: I think it was a li­on.

Lit­tle Leage Game
Ft. Worth, Texas

Over­heard by: Dee­Don

You’re the Worst The­sis Ad­vi­sor Ever

Girl walk­ing through cam­pus: I can’t be­lieve you, I’m sit­ting in my liv­ing room in noth­ing but a tow­el, with mas­cara stream­ing down my face and you don’t even care!

George Ma­son Uni­ver­si­ty
Fair­fax, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: You sit on a throne of lies

Weren’t We Fenc­ing?

30-some­thing male drunk: You’re not my moth­er!
20-some­thing fe­male drunk: I’m not your moth­er. I’m just telling you that it’s not okay to grunt and lunge at peo­ple.

Paci­fi­ca, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Slight­ly