Archive for the ‘Fag hags’ Category

Just Dip It in the Jar, Dude!

Queer: Would­n’t it be great if penis­es tast­ed like Nutel­la?
Fag hag: Un­for­tu­nate­ly, oral sex does­n’t give you an evo­lu­tion­ary ad­van­tage, so we’ll prob­a­bly nev­er evolve that way.

Mon­tre­al
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: premed

That, New Stock­ings, and a Clean Um­brel­la

Fag hag: So, I fell asleep when Jack* was strip­ping, and when I woke up Vic­tor* was in pink stock­ings and do­ing some­thing to my um­brel­la that I don’t even want to think about. I re­al­ly have to start hav­ing more straight friends.

Bar
São Paulo
Brazil

…Says the Woman Who Has a Crush on Those Twins in The Suite Life Of Za­ck & Cody?

Queer dad at the back of the line: Ohmigod! There’s Re­be­ca, from cheer­lead­ing.
Woman friend: Oh yeah! I hate her, she’s so perky.
Queer dad: And ir­re­spon­si­ble, she al­ways leaves her kids on the car when she goes any­where.
Woman: Oh, re­al­ly?
Queer dad: I mean, who leaves a top of the line Es­calade with a smok­ing hot nine-year-old idling in the park­ing lot? Es­pe­cial­ly in this neigh­bor­hood!
Woman dad: That is so wrong!
Queer dad: I know!
Woman: No, that you said “smok­ing” hot nine-year-old.
Queer dad: Oh…

Dunkin Donuts
Man­hat­tan, New York

Over­heard by: Bil­ly Splatts!

So Gay Men Aren’t the Tar­get De­mograpic for That?

Straight girl: So then we were mak­ing out, and it was re­al­ly good…
Gay guy #1: Wait, is­n’t this sto­ry sup­posed to be about how good he was at go­ing down on you?
Straight girl: Oh, I’m get­ting there.
Gay guy #2: Yeah, okay, but this is re­al­ly tak­ing too long. Get to the point.
Gay guy #1: Se­ri­ous­ly. I mean, we don’t re­al­ly like hear­ing about straight hookups any­way. It’s gross. We’re just hu­mor­ing you.
Guy guy #3: This is like the longest pussy-eat­ing sto­ry I’ve heard all day.

San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: TMI

It’s Not Their Worlds I Want to En­ter

Girl: So I think he’s tak­en our re­la­tion­ship a step fur­ther.
Gay friend: Oh! What, did he ask you out?
Girl: No.
Gay friend: Did he fi­nal­ly tell you he likes you?
Girl: No! Noth­ing like that.
Gay friend: Then what?
Girl: He start­ed talk­ing to me ex­clu­sive­ly in D&D jar­gon!
Gay friend: See, this is why we have dif­fer­ent tastes in men.

Burling­ton, Ver­mont

Over­heard by: Does­n’t play D&D