Hook Me Up?

Guy #1: Is your aunt gonna get a di­vorce?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Ni­i­i­ice.

Wal­ton High School
Ma­ri­et­ta, Geor­gia

Over­heard by: nezu!

And I Do Mean Every­thing

Boy #1: I’m gonna take out my iPhone and post these pic­tures on YouTube.
Boy #2: You can’t post pho­tos on YouTube.
Boy #1: Fine, I’ll post them on Face­book.
Boy #2: You don’t have a Face­book.
Boy #1: I’ll e‑mail them to your mom. She posts every­thing on Face­book.

Cen­tral Is­lip, New York

Over­heard by: Val

Who Else Would Pee on My Christ­mas Tree?

Su­pe­ri­or girl: You’re just stumped by the Fa­ther-Christ­mas-is­n’t-a-cat ar­gu­ment.

Nor­wich
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Ini­go Mon­toya

She’s Cana­di­an.

Hip­ster girl: Oh, look, there’s a movie the­a­ta here too!
Hip­ster guy: Movie “the­a­ta”? Wow, you do have an ac­cent… but your sis­ter, she’s re­al­ly got an ac­cent!
Hip­ster girl: Ac­tu­al­ly, she has a speech im­ped­i­ment.

Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

Do You Mean It, or Are You Just Us­ing Her for Sex?

Girl on cell: I said “I love you” like three years ago. Why? When was the last time you said it?
[pause]Girl on cell, shocked: Ew! To who, you whore­bag?!
[pause]Girl on cell, in­cred­u­lous: You say “I love you” to your mom?

200 Bus
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: like­whoa

Back Up– There Are Jews in Ne­bras­ka?

Hip daugh­ter: Mom, is that the same guy?
Hip mom: No.
Hip daugh­ter: Then why do they sound the ex­act same?
Hip mom: Be­cause they’re Jew­ish.
Hip daugh­ter: Re­al­ly?
Hip mom: No.
Hip daugh­ter (laugh­ing): Oh my god! Mom! That’s…
Hip mom: Don’t quote me on Face­book.

Lin­coln, Ne­bras­ka

Over­heard by: robert tay­lor

…Dad?

Loud 20-some­thing girl on cell: What do you mean you made out with my un­cle?!

Spokane, Wash­ing­ton

In­ces­tu­ous Cirque Du Soleil Porn Is a Joy to Watch

Guy: Yeah, and then there was un­cle Mar­ty, who was on his knees throw­ing balls at her…

Syd­ney
Aus­tralia

Plus, I’m Pret­ty

Bawl­ing small girl in gro­cery store, af­ter not get­ting what she asked: But, mom, I’m cry­ing re­al­ly hard!

In­ger­soll Av­enue
Des Moines, Iowa

That’s So 1995.

Teen girl: Dad, stop talk­ing about Hugh Grant’s pe­nis!

Con­cord, Mass­a­chu­setts