The Kid Used to Yell “Boink Me, Daddy!”

Four-year-old boy: Daddy! I wanna get hammered!
(mom pulls out a toy rubber hammer, sighing)
Dad, to everyone around: Shhhhh, nobody heard that! If you did, little forgetfulness fairies will fly into your mind!

Airport
Phoenix, Arizona

She Always Comes Up with the Best Gifts for an Old Fart.

Woman: My mom was in the hospital with brain cancer. Then my cousin showed up, and I asked her if she wanted to, you know, go to a craft store and get something for mom. Well, on the walk over, she… (makes farting noises). So you can imagine how upset I was.

YMCA
Beloit, Wisconsin

And Perhaps We’ll Hear the Pitter Patter of Tiny Sheets

Mother to teen daughter: And then you, me, and your aunt can mount the pillow like last time.

Wal-Mart
Augusta, Georgia

Overheard by: Annissa

No Matter Where I Take You, You’re Still You

Tourist, yelling at husband who went to magazine kiosk : Get the magazine! Not the paper! Magazine! (husband comes back with paper) *Sigh* Men…they’re the same everywhere.

Kuala Lumpur
Malaysia

Or, As Much So As Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger

Guy: My sister and I are twins, but I was born first.
Woman #1: Do you mean you just came out first?
Guy: Well, see, what happened was I am two years older than my sister. [Everyone stares at each other.]Woman #2: … So you and your sister are twins, but she is two years younger?
Guy: Oh, wait, I’m getting confused with another family story. I am two years older than my sister, but I’m pretty sure we’re not twins, either.

900 West Valley Road
Wayne, Pennsylvania

I Didn’t Expect the Irish to Be Such Pussies

Coworker: Where were you? You were meant to be in work at 7!
Drunk Slovakian guy arriving at work: I drank Jack Daniels until 5 this morning, then went to bed. I woke at nine and fucked Jane, then got my brother to drop me off at work.

Craigavon
Northern Ireland

…Before Church.

Middle aged woman with grandchildren, at 11:30 am: I just took the kids out to breakfast and now I need to go home and have me a Jack Daniels.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/329259996/please-bring-me-with-you.html

Overheard by: Les

Let’s Just Say She’s in Shape

Dude: You have a sister, right?
Chick: Yeah.
Dude: Is she hot?
Chick: She’s 12 and shaped like a rectangle.
Dude: That doesn’t answer my question.

High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado

Overheard by: Julia

No! Haven’t You Been Listening?

Lady 1: So they’re getting married now.
Lady 2: But I thought she had a baby.
Lady 1: Yes, but it’s his brother’s. See, her sister wanted to be with him so she told him her sister couldn’t have normal children. It turns out she’s the one who can’t have children.
Lady 2: Oh… so they’re getting married?

Salt Lake City, Utah

Overheard by: Confused listener

For the Last Time, That Was CPR

Bimbette #1: We need to find men to buy us drinks tonight — I only have, like, 10 bucks.
Bimbette #2: Why don’t you make out with Mom again? That worked last time.

Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Overheard Everywhere

Archive for the ‘Family ties’ Category

The Kid Used to Yell “Boink Me, Daddy!”

She Always Comes Up with the Best Gifts for an Old Fart.

And Perhaps We’ll Hear the Pitter Patter of Tiny Sheets

No Matter Where I Take You, You’re Still You

Or, As Much So As Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger

I Didn’t Expect the Irish to Be Such Pussies

…Before Church.

Let’s Just Say She’s in Shape

No! Haven’t You Been Listening?

For the Last Time, That Was CPR