Teen daughter: You’re a dickwad.
Mom: No, you’re a dickwad.
Teen daughter: No, you’re a dickwad.
Mom: No, you’re a dickwad.
Granny, with English accent: What’s a dickwad?
Teen daughter: It’s a pile of jism, Granny.
Dad: Okay, family meeting right now!
On the subway
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: jezebel
Professor: Even my own mother tells people I’m a drug dealer.
http://www.overheardatumbc.com
Girl on cell: So I learned over the weekend that my parents are swingers. I know, it was so weird! It’s like, okay, so on the weekends you go out and have sex with other people… Yeah… Do we have practice today?
College of Saint Benedict
St. Joseph, Minnesota
Overheard by: Rose
Suit #1, referring to scar on suit #2’s throat: What happened to you?
Suit #2: My daughter is batshit. What of it?
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Drunk guy #1: I don’t know, I bet she was a nice-looking Irish lass back in her day.
Drunk guy #2: You keep calling my grandma a piece of ass like it’s a compliment.
Bar
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: Mike K.
Little nine-year-old kid with megaphone: You are going to go to hell, you know! The Apocalypse is coming! Are you ready? If you are drinking, you are a bad mother!
Army man #1, standing nearby: Do we have permission to fire?
Army man #2: I wish.
The Kentucky Derby
Overheard by: Kdub-ya
Shorter kid playing basketball to taller kid: Your dad bought your mom at Ikea!
Watertown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Ariel
Working-class hippie: Oh, I have another porn story!
Foreign hippie: The one about your mom?
Working-class hippie: No, no, this one’s about Matt*–my surrogate father.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Hipster girl #1: Those are nice (points at earrings), where did you get them?
Hipster girl #2: Oh, I stole these. I only steal earrings, for some reason. So did your parents ever get those goats for their farm?
Hipster girl #1: Not yet, but my mom said they’re going to start growing pot.
Hipster girl #2: That’s cool.
Cafe
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: Vincent Ignatius
College guy #1: Hey, remember that time I fucked your mom in the ass?
College guy #2: Hey, remember that time I dressed up as my mom?
Fulton, Missouri
Overheard by: The Sweetheart
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
